Using Films at Programs

There are a number of good films that can be used in an outreach program. Many of us co-sponsor films in our local Jewish Film Festivals. Phyllis Adler of Stepping Stones Family has a social work intern who shares these comments after viewing the film, Out of Faith.

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I am a Catholic raised graduate student in the school of social work here in Denver. At the suggestion of my supervisor I attended a movie showing at the Aish synagogue in Denver. The movie was entitled Out of Faith and was a feature-length documentary that follows three generations of a family torn apart by conflicts over interfaith marriage. The family’s matriarch, Leah Welbel, and her husband Eliezer, both survived nearly three years in Auschwitz; however, in their minds, their grandchildren marrying non-Jews represents a posthumous victory for Hitler. Out of Faith examines the complex and emotionally charged issues surrounding assimilation and interfaith marriage. The film compels Jew and non-Jew alike to reconsider the classic query of “melting pot or salad bowl?” Does this country of immigrants gain its strength from homogeneity or heterogeneity? Out of Faith examines these issues by capturing the intimate details of one family’s attempt to persevere in the face of a heart wrenching interfamilial conflict; a conflict that impacts countless families in multicultural societies. I was a bit hesitant to go to this event since I had never been to a synagogue and did not know how people would react (if at all) to my presence. However, I found myself in a friendly and warm place. People present at the event were friendly and greeted me when I arrived and when I left. The film itself was extremely moving and while my personal history allowed me knowledge about the holocaust and the controversy around intermarriage, being surrounded by people that were so profoundly moved and affected was a great cultural experience. The discussion that followed the film was equally moving with comments from the young and old about their perspectives. One woman offered that she felt pressure from her family to marry Jewish but in reality you cannot help who you love, another man said that the intermarriage rates as well as rates of children being raised Jewish were a sad reality and something to be concerned about. The facilitator made an excellent point that as parents if you want your child to marry Jewish you better have a good reason, and that reason should not be “because” or the “holocaust.” I left having mixed feelings, first I was so touched and found new meaning about the holocaust and its effects and the realities for Jewish people, I was pleased with how I was received at this event, and at the same time I was saddened by the struggles of this family, and had a new understanding of intermarriage and the implications that it has on the Jewish community.

Community Collaboration using A Taste of Judaism

In 2003 I started using the Union for Reform movement's Taste of Judaism 3-session workshop as a community-wide teaching and outreach tool. The core concepts presented are God, Torah, and Israel. I spoke to Kathy Kahn at URJ about offering it throughout the movements and she was, as always, extremely supportive and enthusiastic.

My two modern Orthodox rabbis asked me the question: Will you tell us how to teach?

My answer was NO. Any rabbi can teach this class. It will be informed by their movement. The students love learning from excited and engaged teachers. All my rabbis are sensitive to the fact that they are teaching on behalf of ALL Judaism and when asked about the different streams of Judaism answer thoughtfully.

I serve as the central organizer. I move the class around the congregations and cities. Everyone gets a turn. I do the publicity, intake, and registration. I also administer an evaluation and follow up process.

Since Project Welcome has evolved in San Francisco, just across the bay from me, Karen Kushner the director of PW has also been offering this service of central administration of Taste of Judaism. We have been pooling our resources, sending students back and forth across the bay according to their home city.

It has been a wonderful way to bring the entire community together to offer a fun, short, stimulating entrypoint class. Participants are curious about --what does a synagogue look like inside, what does a mehitzah look like, a Torah scroll? Are these cookies you're giving us Kosher? How can you tell? Can I come here for services? Who could I sit with?

I have integrated this program into my general program offerings and it has been a good way to bridge people into a wide array of opportunities.

Raising Children in One Faith: Resources that make sense

We frequently hear that children should be raised in ONE faith or they will be confused. Recently a member of Kathy Kahn's Outreach Fellows posed the question - how do we know this? What do we have to back that statement up?
For many of us have plenty of anecdotal information -- having worked with many adult children of interfaith couples we've heard enough stories to be able to express the concerns and challenges that real people report. We want to help the parents understand what the children are experiencing. Our goal is to impart knowledge that will help the parents make thoughtful choices for their families.
There's nothing like some data to help sort out the issues. Kathy has posted to the URJ website a very useful article by Dr. Peter Robbins titled: Choices for Children of Interfaith Families Here is the link:
http://urj.org/_kd/Items/actions.cfm?action=Show&item_id=20517&destination=ShowItem
Dr. Robbins looks at the stages of child development and the challenges at each age.
(Dr. Robbins is a doctor of pediatric and adolescent psychiatry)
I also use the Stages of Religious Development from The Interfaith Marriage Handbook. I ran the chart by a granduate student in the department of Psychology at UC Berkeley a couple years ago and he showed it to his professor who said it was a good general tool for parents.
I'd be interested to know of any resources you use in this area.

Hillel: Welcome to my Life!

FROM EVE COULSON
So much great information has been coming our way lately, largely thanks to Dawn, that when I got this from another source, I wasn't sure whether we'd already seen it or not. So to be safe, I'm passing it along for your perusal and possible discussion among us.

Hillel opens doors to non-Jews

In a move that Hillel leaders say has been forced upon them by this generation's altered social landscape, the organization is throwing open its doors to everyone, designing programs that appeal to Jews and non-Jews and hyping its contribution to university -- not only Jewish - life.



Dear all,

Yes, this is groundbreaking! I began with the title, "Welcome to my Life!" As the mother of a college student I am seeing this process first hand. I am guessing that Eve, with your two college kids you had some of the same experiences.

My college-age daughter got Easter week off as spring break (please don't tell me that America is secular!) She and her roommate, an observant Catholic, and their suitemate, a mainstream American (I call them American folkloric Christians because they observe Christian practices and holidays as folk behaviors, not religion) drove down to Disneyland to see her close friend from high school, a black, gay male who used to be Christian but his church rejects gays. Her friend, Nate, works at Disneyland and got them in for free.

When she got home, my daughter immediately began planning the guests for seder. Her friends were an assumed "yes" from mom. Naturally she is right. I expect to welcome anyone she invites.

And here's the NEW TRUTH, my daughter expects her non-Jewish friends to enjoy being immersed in a Jewish practice.

What do we learn from this?

In our programming we must reflect the new reality - that young Jews are completely comfortable being public as Jews and expect to blend their Jewish behaviors with their non-Jewish friends and loved ones. That means that the concept of "inreach" - a program that engages those who are Jewish and brings them closer to Judaism is going to be MORE successful in attracting young Jews if those young Jews can bring their non-Jewish friends. So as we are developing programs - inreach needs to use outreach - and we have to think more complexly. We must plan a program that engages the experienced Jew, one raised with a Jewish education and Jewish practice in the home, AND also engages the novice.

I will use the example of the Passover Workshop that I just offered last Sunday. I promoted it as "whether you are a novice or an old hand at seder, you will learn something new" and I included a charoset tasting.
For the novice, we explained the elements of the seder table and seder plate. For the experienced seder-holder I took them through the years of evolving your seder to meet the needs of your guests as you go from pre-children, to children ages zero to teen, to a table of experienced adults. Add to that the experiencial part of tasting the five charoset, including a California charoset made with avocado, and there was lots of discussion and comparision. I also had a table of some 30 different haggadot to peruse. More conversations were generated as participants discussed what they liked or wanted in a haggadah and gave each other advice.

One woman told me, "I've never done seder before but now I see it's not so complicated as I thought. I'm going to do it this year!" Another woman who is a seasoned Jewish professional said, "I loved that! I'm a Passover junkie!"

That becomes our goal. A program that can stretch in each direction. That is what the young Jews are willing to come to.

Now do look at www.jewcy.com and some of the Jewish bloggers to see the Jewish events that go off into a new realm.

At Emanu-el in San Francisco they have Spookalot at Sukkot, blending together the national folkloric holiday of Halloween with Sukkot. They get together in a sukkah and the rabbi reads them ghostly stories. Are there Jewish ghost stories? Of course!

Please share with the group any events or programs you are planning or currently offer that address any of these ideas.

Is there something you would like to do? A half formed idea that you'd like help fleshing out?

Toss it out there. Let's see what people say.

Grandparenting programs

Dear Friends,

You all may recall that I sent you the article about JOI's having issued an outline for working with Parents/Grandparents of interfaith couples/families. Unfortunately they were unaware of the existing programs around the country. I hope that we can all become better at sharing information and not constantly reinventing the wheels. JOI was unaware of a terrific book, written some years ago and currently for sale from URJ Books & Music, titled Mingled Roots by Sunie Levin and Dahlia Schronberg. The price is $14.95. If any of you don't already have a copy, it's worth the 15 bucks.

http://press.securesites.net/cgi-bin/hazel.cgi?action=DETAIL&ITEM=101088



Someone I got in touch with through Egon Mayer--> Eve Coulson --> Lynne Wolfe is Jeanette Bergelson. I asked Jeanette to send me a paragraph about herself and her groups. Jeanette is from the Conservative movement and runs a group called New Beginnings for parents and grandparents. Those of you from the Reform movement will note the "same title, different program" twist.


I am coordinator of “New Beginnings”, a Jewish support group for parents and grandparents of children in interfaith marriages.

For the past 16 years we have provided a supportive, non-judgmental, non-threatening arena where all can openly discuss their concerns regarding the interfaith marriage of their children.. We present non-confrontational techniques to address issues that arise in the interfaith family. Emphasis is on positive approaches to impart Jewish heritage. As part of our programming, we’ve had speakers on interfaith issues such as life cycle events, divorce, adoption, holidays, etc. as well as problem-solving workshops.

Together with other Outreach professionals, we work to create effective programs to educate our communities.

Jeanette Bergelson



Should you want to communicate with Jeanette about her years of programming experience email me and I'll put you in touch with her.

Grandparenting Programs

Below is an article just written by Sue Fishkoff on JTA 1/8/08. Again, it is interesting to see the community "discovering" a program and an audience that we all have been working on and with for years.

I recall speaking with Jeanette Bergelson in 1998 about the groups she was running. Later I spoke with Lynne Wolfe about her programs. I did some interviewing with other professionals and grandparents as I prepared my own grandparenting workshops.

In spring 2001 I offered Mingled Roots: Meeting the Challenge of Grandparenting in the Interfaith Family in Oakland, CA.

Since then I've done several grandparent workshops in Contra Costa. For one of them I used the film Shifting Traditions. I set it up as a sort of who done it? format. I told them before showing the film that I had been present at the premier -- it was the Senior Thesis of a Stanford film student in the Masters program there. I sat next to one of the couples featured in the film. At one point during the showing the entire non-Jewish audience gasped at what this couple said and the couple jumped. That was the "gun shot." I challenged my grandparents to identify the moment the trigger was pulled and who pulled it.



Intermarriage: Helping grandparents
Sue Fishkoff
A new program is being unveiled in Los Angeles and Atlanta to help grandparents present their Jewish heritage to their grandchildren in intermarried households.

Published: 01/08/2008


SAN FRANCISCO (JTA) -- Bettina Kurowski is the chair of the 2008 fund-raising campaign of the Jewish Federation of Los Angeles and active in her Conservative synagogue.

She’s also a grandmother of three young grandchildren. They give her great "naches," or joy, she says, but she’s also worried -- the children’s father is not Jewish, the kids are being raised in an interfaith home and Kurowski, for all her Jewish involvement, is not sure what role she should play in passing on the Jewish heritage that is so dear to her.

“My husband and I are the keepers of the Jewish tradition, the culture and values of Judaism -- what it really means to be a Jew,” Kurowski says. “I took it upon myself to study how to be the best grandparent I could be while acknowledging the non-Jewish side of their family.

"I didn’t want to give the children the sense that there’s something wrong with people who are not Jewish, but I still want to give them a sense of pride in being Jewish. It’s a fine line.”

Looking around, Kurowski found few resources for grandparents like herself. She says she’s the only one in her circle of friends whose children intermarried, and she felt the need to share her concerns with others in her situation.

This week, she’ll get that chance when the Grandparents Circle holds its first meeting at Valley Beth Shalom, Kurowski’s congregation in Encino, Calif.

The Grandparents Circle, which is launching pilot courses Jan. 8 in Los Angeles and Jan. 29 in Atlanta, is a new program created by the Jewish Outreach Institute to help grandparents present their Jewish heritage to their grandchildren in intermarried households.

Grandparents meet in groups of 20 to 25 for five weeks of guided discussion, share their concerns and learn specific skills for passing on Jewish history and tradition without forcing it on the children.

“They want to pass on their Jewish identity and background, they want to share their history and who they are with their grandchildren, but it has to be done in a way that’s interesting to the grandchildren," says Liz Marcovitz, a program officer at the institute. "You can’t just start talking about Judaism with no context.”
The course is inspired by “Twenty Things for Grandparents of Interfaith Grandchildren to Do,” a 2007 JOI publication.

When Kurowski read the book last year, she and her husband donated the funds to build a curriculum around it. Her federation has earmarked funds to run the pilot course, and Kurowski says it hopes to expand the course to other synagogues in the Los Angeles area.

Marcovitz says the Jewish communities of Chicago and Hartford, Conn., among others, are interested.

Eventually the JOI plans to set up a national listserve for all such grandparents, whether they have taken the course or not.

Suzette Cohen is organizing the program in Atlanta. She notes that the city’s Jewish community, which has a 60 percent intermarriage rate, is in its sixth year of running The Mothers Circle, a JOI support group for non-Jewish women raising Jewish children. Many of the Jewish parents of those intermarried couples have asked for a similar program for them.

“They often dance around the issue, afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing” and offending their child or the non-Jewish spouse, Cohen says.

The first Atlanta circle is already oversubscribed; a second group is filling quickly.

The gist of the book and the course is to teach by example: Invite the grandchildren to Passover seders in your home, show them photos of your family, light Shabbat candles and tell them why it’s important to you.

Build “layers of Jewish memories,” the book suggests, that will remain with the children as they grow to adulthood.

Grandparents are an often overlooked influence on the lives of their grandchildren, says JOI’s associate director, Paul Golin. The institute's extensive research on the adult children of intermarried couples found that one of the major influences on the religious identities of these young adults was their grandparents.

But it’s not a straight shot.

“It’s not about parenting, it’s about influence,” Golin says. “It happens holistically. If the grandparents are just who they are and have contact with the grandkids, they’ll have that influence.

“That’s why we say, just be the best Jew you can be. You don’t want to come across as a Hebrew school teacher.”

The Grandparents Circle is designed for Jewish grandparents whose intermarried children are open to it. If the grandchildren are being raised exclusively Christian, Golin notes, it is a much more delicate matter.

That's the situation facing Rose Sowadsky, an Atlanta-area grandmother whose two grandchildren are being raised Methodist.

The children "are aware" she is Jewish -- they were at her home Christmas Eve and saw she had no tree -- but they have never asked her about it.

"They must have been well prompted at home," she supposes.

Sowadsky does not expect to have any influence on her grandchildren's religious upbringing, but she signed up for the Grandparents Circle for moral support.

"I want to see how others cope with it," she says.

Many participants come to the group as couples, and many others are single women, usually widowed, like Sowadsky, or divorced.

Dr. Bob Licht, a semi-retired Los Angeles dentist, is the lone single man in the Los Angeles group. When his wife of 62 years passed away last summer, he felt he needed help passing on his Jewish heritage to his 4-year-old great-grandson.

The boy’s father, Licht’s grandson, is Jewish, but the boy’s mother is not. Licht says his children and grandchildren, including the boy’s father, received an appreciation and understanding of Judaism from him and his late wife.

Now that she is gone, Licht feels somewhat adrift. The boy had a brit milah, but Licht wants to make sure he continues on a Jewish path.

“I wish my wife were here to help me with it,” he says. “She was better prepared. Now I’ve got to figure it out. I want to learn as much as I can, and that’s why I went to the first meeting. I want to do the right thing.”