In an article picked up from The Jewish Week, today’s ePhilanthropy offers Mark Charendoff's, president of the Jewish Funders Network, suggestion that term limits be imposed on Jewish communal CEOs.
He offers the following benefits. Term limits would:
1. Create a discomfort that generates vibrancy and creativity.
2. New heads of agencies would bring in new people to the board.
3. Middle management professionals would have a chance to move up.
4. Money would be saved as the rising salary of the CEO will be readjusted with the newer, younger hire.
5. Too many agencies are extensions of their CEO, change would break that up.
Generally I agree with him. Agencies do often become the CEO’s private club. Salaries seem to escalate due to years in the job rather than productivity. Middle managers abandon Jewish communal work out of frustration and lack of a living wage, to say nothing of young starry eyed entry level staff who wake up one day and decide to move into the for-profit sector where their talents will be rewarded.
But I also hear a male voice in this message; let me share a perspective that may sound feminine – a quality that Mr. Charendoff is suggesting should be added in the new leadership. Mr. Charendoff’s first suggestion is discomfort brings creativity; we need more discomfort. Has this man been around Jews?! I would say that discomfort and a lack of ease define Jews. And that discomfort has often caused people to cling to old ways. I’ve seen best work done by those who believe they have room to maneuver and know they have the support of their peers. Take a look at non-Jewish Pixar, a place where creativity flows in abundance. The “secret” is not a sense of uncertainly but rather an atmosphere of independence. The employees are permitted time to work on their own concepts. How about we get Jewish CEOs who invite their staffs to take a little chunk of time to dream their best dreams? Then put some of those dreams into action.
Will a new CEOs bring new people to the table? Some will; some won’t. I’m not sure I want the people they would bring; it could be a new set of cronies. I believe the goal is new faces, new demographics: young Jews, Jews of color, single Jews, Jews in interfaith marriages; in other words, the ever evolving face of the Jewish community. A good CEO can do this, period. However, I concede there is an expectation that with a new leader come changes. So the term limit has potential in that it creates a willingness, or at least anticipation, among staff and lay leaders that there will be changes.
Another feminine perspective, I don’t believe in “loyalty opposition;” I believe in trust that creates an openness to hearing a differing opinion. There is plenty of in-fighting already. What would cooperation look like?
Finally, I got a chuckle out of Mr. Charendoff’s making an exception for heads of family foundations. I like his honesty in pointing out that it appears self serving. This may be a case of, living in that family foundation forest it’s hard for him to see the trees. Let me suggest that he is wrong. Who needs shaking up more than a wealthy family that has come to believe their will is God? Perhaps a new CEO, one who questions their views and offers a new perspective, would be a way to get their juices flowing. Perhaps even excite and entice them to dare to try new things and to explore support beyond the dreary and deadly three year grant (one year in the current economy) into a new world in which they create a legacy by supporting some of the Jewish organizations that reach out to the fastest growing, most discomforting portion of our community, interfaith families.
Showing posts with label In the News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label In the News. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
Opinions on the Clinton-Mezvinsky wedding
In a recent JTA article Jacob Berkman collected comments from the anointed experts on intermarriage in response to the Clinton-Mezvinsky wedding.
To what extent are their comments useful to those of us doing the work?
Do they reflect our experience?
Let's review.
Steven Cohen, Hebrew Union College sociologist
We should “celebrate the full acceptance of Jews by the larger society that this marriage represents," Steven Cohen told JTA via e-mail from Jerusalem. At the same time, he noted, the fact that so few children of interfaith unions, particularly those between Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers, are raised solely as Jews raises the conundrum of our age: “How do we Jewishly engage and educate the intermarried, while at the same time maintaining our time-honored commitment to inmarriage?” Cohen asked. “In short, we should celebrate the particular marriage of these two fine individuals, but we ought not celebrate the type of marriage it constitutes and represents."
Stats show that he is correct about Jewish fathers being less likely to raise their children Jewish. This signals me that we need to reexamine what we do for these families and step up to the challenge.
Cohen will no doubt be beaten up by the liberal end of outreach talking-heads for this opinion. But he raises two important issues for us to consider:
1. How do we engage the intermarried while simultaneously supporting inmarriage? I suggest that we think of these marriages as two of our own children – which indeed they represent. I love my children equally. They each need different things. We can multitask. Please share the programs you offer for different populations.
2. Can we celebrate this marriage but not this type of marriage? I can’t really lump all interfaith marriages together. I have to look at each individual couple. I can celebrate couples who are open, honest, thoughtful; who are discussing their choices and making decisions, being flexible and caring. I can’t support ANY marriage that involves avoidance, denial, and even lying – whether it is interfaith or not.
Leonard Saxe, director of the Cohen Center for Modern Jewish Studies“Jewish men and women are senators and congressmen, and are in key positions in the White House,” observed Leonard Saxe. “This is a golden age for Jews in America, and it shouldn’t surprise us that the daughter of a former president and the daughter of the secretary of state marries a Jewish man she has known much of her life.”
This is indeed the golden age for Jews in America. I pray that we keep our strength and use it to support and sustain less fortunate Jews around the world.
Paul Golin, the associate director of the Jewish Outreach Institute
“She has married in. Some will say he married out, but if he was marrying out, there wouldn’t have been anything Jewish. The fact that they went to the effort to have a chupah and have a rabbi and that he wore a tallis says a lot about their future direction. Otherwise, why bother?”
This is a one of those well intended statements that simply doesn’t fit with reality and I suspect comes from a kneejerk response to a painful experience of hearing the in-out debate.
“Why bother?” to have Jewish symbols but nothing more? For parents. For grandparents. Because it is expected. Because he is a Jew and that’s his idea of what a wedding looks like. Because Jewish symbols are fun, beautiful and meaningful. But not a single one of those reasons tells us what the future will hold. I have heard brides and grooms tell me all the above reasons. They have even said, “this is probably the last Jewish thing I’ll do, but I am a Jew.”
Whether a couple is inside or outside Judaism will be revealed when they raise their children. They may each stay within their own religious tradition, but where will they direct their children?
Rabbi Steven Wernick, the CEO of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism
Wernick said intermarriage is certainly “not ideal,” but that the Conservative movement in 2008 decided that it must welcome interfaith families and “help their spouses along their spiritual journeys.”
I am guessing that the “not ideal” part means that not all interfaith marriages will chose a Jewish home and perpetuate the Jewish people. He is correct.
I don’t want to leave the Conservative movement with this brief and relatively useless quote. I have no idea what comments of Wernick’s were left on the editor’s floor, so to speak. However, the rabbi Berman should have interviewed was Rabbi Charles Simon who created the Keruv Initiative out of the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs. If you want to see feet on the ground getting things done – you need to call these guys!
Rabbi Shmuley Hecht is Orthodox and the rabbinical adviser at Yale University’s Eliezer Jewish Society
Intermarriage can work only if the non-Jewish spouse converts to Judaism through an Orthodox conversion and genuinely changes religions. Otherwise, he said, the marriage is doomed to fail because down the road any self-aware Jew, “however defined, will feel the call of their people and have the fullness of their being disrupted by intermarriage.”
I’m sure he believes this, but he is completely incorrect. I have seen interfaith couples where the Jew is Orthodox and they have happy marriages and successfully raise Jewish children. I’m not saying it is easy; I’m just saying it is possible.
Ed Case, the executive director of Interfaithfamily.com
Accepting this marriage and welcoming this intermarried family into the Jewish fold could help pave the way for the Jewish community to be more accepting of others.
I think Ed is right in regard to American Christian community; seeing Chelsea marry a Jew will make Americans more accepting of Jews. But will the wedding make the Jewish community more accepting? I suspect that for those that seek greater acceptance of interfaith couples it will be seen as advantageous, but for those against intermarriage it will be a sign of danger.
I believe Paul Golin is correct on this:
Paul Golin said, noting that as an intermarried person himself, he is turned off by much of the debate over intermarriage as a problem, “The folks who are fearful that my kind of Judaism is going to destroy Judaism are still going to be fearful. The folks who are fully embracing of interfaith families are going to be embracing. I don’t see a whole lot of movement.”
I found the head of the Reform movement, Rabbi Eric Yoffie’s comments, to be among the most depressing:
“The price of our reaffirmation in American society is a high rate of intermarriage,” he said. “We can’t be embraced and not expect that our young people won’t be marrying with their young people. Unless we are prepared to withdraw into a ghetto, there is no solution.”
“I look at the couple and my response is, ‘I hope they will make a choice to raise their children in a single religion and tradition and second, as a Jew and rabbi, I hope it will be Judaism. I don’t know if they have had that conversation.”
Ouch! However, he does say the magic word: CONVERSATION. One of the Alliance experts has a great catch phrase: It’s the conversation, stupid. By that she means, we spend a lot of time on what we’ll do, what programs we’ll create, what we think synagogues, day schools, rabbis, etc. ought to do, but at the end of the day it is simply and most importantly about having a caring and honest conversation with the interfaith couple themselves.
Rabbi Brad Hirschfield, Orthodox and president of the National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership
Said that when marriages break down it usually has little to do with religion. All religions should stop worrying about intermarriage and start worrying about how to help couples make their relationships work.
Although Rabbi Hirschfield is not the last quoted expert in this article I have saved him for last because he speaks the core truth.
Marriages rarely break down because of religion. Being from different religious/cultural traditions of any kind portends a greater likelihood of divorce. Despite our proclamations of loving diversity, the fact is that we humans are less flexible that we tell ourselves and increasing the differences between spouses increases the chance of divorce.
From here forward!
THANK YOU RABBI HIRSCHFIELD! We should stop worrying about intermarriage and start worrying about how to help couples make their relationships work! From your mouth to God’s ears and then to the rest of us!
When we focus our efforts on the well being of the couple, the couple can stop fearing us. They can see us as partners in their journey. We can speak the hard truths and they can listen and actually hear us. Frankly, any mature, well adjusted couple can decide what compromises they want to make, what values they hold close, what sacrifices they will need to make in order to protect their marriage. Once trust is established we can talk honestly about the challenges that may crop up and the couple can ask for our help and expertise in deciding what to do. It is sheer folly to think that we make those decisions for them.
I have had couples contact me to tell me that, upon reflection, they have decided their religions are too important to each of them and they broke up. What a blessing to realize this before a wedding. They usually write me after they have found a sweetheart from their own religion just to say thanks, I’m so happy you met with us. My life is turning out right for me.
As one of my local rabbis says, “We are each in a conversation with God and I don’t know what yours is about.” Our job is to help couples sort out their future together. Their job is to decide what that future looks like.
What about children? When I tell a couple that it is harder to raise a child between religions, a couple that trusts me can listen and consider. Just as parents must decide about dental care, immunization, and schools, they must decide about their child’s religious life.
Trust, honesty, openness, affection, we can’t go wrong when we build these bonds with our couples.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Interfaith Families in the Huffington Post
This morning I got an email with the link to the Huffington Post, Interfaith Families: Can You Be Jewish and Christian at the Same Time? by Kate Kridkis.
I thought, Oy! I don’t even want to see the online comments. People get so nasty in cyberspace.
But what does this article say to professionals? It is proof that we need interfaith couples discussion groups.
Can it be that after more than 25 years of Jewish outreach that there are still so many good willed, uninformed young Jews? Yes, unfortunately, there can.
Also unfortunate, most responses are, as Kate says, angry ones. How can you have a conversation when someone is mad at you? People in Kate’s shoes stop listening. So we leave our young people with the naive belief that more is better, and that letting a child decide is about being fair and decent. Add that, in America, we are currently a culture that thinks that making parental decisions is unhealthy and doesn't allow our children to grow. So relinquishing parental responsibility becomes a virtue.
Note Kate's hopeful comment that with some education the children will be better equipped to make their own choice. Unfortunately what children don't need is the "freedom" to make choices about religion; they do need a community in which to grow up. The nuances of what St. Paul or Moses taught about the value of say, kindness, is not really important to a child. Both traditions support the same universal values. Children start out learning through stories. It is the narrative to which one belongs that both educates the child AND provides them with a place. A place in the fabric of history, a community that both belongs TO THEM and to which THEY BELONG. It is the awareness of the need for this core mutuality that we Americans seem to have lost. Human beings survive in groups - call them tribes, families, towns - they are the center from which we venture out. They are the hearth to which we return.
Some individuals in interfaith relationships feel an unarticulated truth, a pull to that core place where they belong and that belongs to them. They can't imagine leaving it. It is too important. So how can they ask their beloved to leave their own, but different, core? So who will go without? Their children. Their kids will not be raised with a place where they belong. The children will be visitors in two places, but not residents. I know these children. Some are perfectly comfortable without a community. They are decent, honest good people. As adults they are in the "no religion" group. Others are wounded; actively concealing their pain from their parents. Sometimes they rage at the Jewish and Christian communities; it's a lot easier to be mad at a faceless group that to be mad at Mom and Dad. So the alienation for them continues.
I've heard the angry comment, "So many people are intermarrying that soon we'll out number the rest of the Jews." Step aside from the obvious pain this expresses and the need to comfort and sooth these people for a moment and let's just examine this common misconception.
Being the child of an interfaith couple is a born-into status. You can't convert others to be children of interfaith families. Two percent of Americans are Jews and 50% of those Jews are intermarrying. Of those couples generally speaking, one third are raising Jewish kids, one third are raising Christian kids and one third are doing both or neither – more in the neithers camp. So we now have a group totaling >1/3 of 1/2 of 2%. Spread those folks out over the vast stretch that is America. OK. Now, how fast do you really think this group is going to "out number" the mainstream Jews?
But this kind of huffy defensiveness gets going because people feel cut out and hurt. They want to turn the table and become the insiders. If we act on their, at times repressed desire, the longing to be included, we would make a lot more progress. If we provided warm, caring places to have the difficult conversations, to lovingly bring up the hard questions, more Kates would get a chance to think this through, the same way she'll have to think through immunization, public school, vegetarianism.
What if one, or more, of these couples decide they aren't going to choose? They are going to boldly do both. What I tell my couples then is, in my opinion you have chosen the harder road. Now it becomes all the more important that you and I remain in touch. What if you need help? What if you hit a tough issue that isn't working out? Then you need to know that I'm not mad at you, that I care about you, that I want to help think things out with you. You have to feel confident that you can call me.
Sincerity and kindness can go places that angry and rejection cannot tread.
I thought, Oy! I don’t even want to see the online comments. People get so nasty in cyberspace.
But what does this article say to professionals? It is proof that we need interfaith couples discussion groups.
Can it be that after more than 25 years of Jewish outreach that there are still so many good willed, uninformed young Jews? Yes, unfortunately, there can.
Also unfortunate, most responses are, as Kate says, angry ones. How can you have a conversation when someone is mad at you? People in Kate’s shoes stop listening. So we leave our young people with the naive belief that more is better, and that letting a child decide is about being fair and decent. Add that, in America, we are currently a culture that thinks that making parental decisions is unhealthy and doesn't allow our children to grow. So relinquishing parental responsibility becomes a virtue.
Note Kate's hopeful comment that with some education the children will be better equipped to make their own choice. Unfortunately what children don't need is the "freedom" to make choices about religion; they do need a community in which to grow up. The nuances of what St. Paul or Moses taught about the value of say, kindness, is not really important to a child. Both traditions support the same universal values. Children start out learning through stories. It is the narrative to which one belongs that both educates the child AND provides them with a place. A place in the fabric of history, a community that both belongs TO THEM and to which THEY BELONG. It is the awareness of the need for this core mutuality that we Americans seem to have lost. Human beings survive in groups - call them tribes, families, towns - they are the center from which we venture out. They are the hearth to which we return.
Some individuals in interfaith relationships feel an unarticulated truth, a pull to that core place where they belong and that belongs to them. They can't imagine leaving it. It is too important. So how can they ask their beloved to leave their own, but different, core? So who will go without? Their children. Their kids will not be raised with a place where they belong. The children will be visitors in two places, but not residents. I know these children. Some are perfectly comfortable without a community. They are decent, honest good people. As adults they are in the "no religion" group. Others are wounded; actively concealing their pain from their parents. Sometimes they rage at the Jewish and Christian communities; it's a lot easier to be mad at a faceless group that to be mad at Mom and Dad. So the alienation for them continues.
I've heard the angry comment, "So many people are intermarrying that soon we'll out number the rest of the Jews." Step aside from the obvious pain this expresses and the need to comfort and sooth these people for a moment and let's just examine this common misconception.
Being the child of an interfaith couple is a born-into status. You can't convert others to be children of interfaith families. Two percent of Americans are Jews and 50% of those Jews are intermarrying. Of those couples generally speaking, one third are raising Jewish kids, one third are raising Christian kids and one third are doing both or neither – more in the neithers camp. So we now have a group totaling >1/3 of 1/2 of 2%. Spread those folks out over the vast stretch that is America. OK. Now, how fast do you really think this group is going to "out number" the mainstream Jews?
But this kind of huffy defensiveness gets going because people feel cut out and hurt. They want to turn the table and become the insiders. If we act on their, at times repressed desire, the longing to be included, we would make a lot more progress. If we provided warm, caring places to have the difficult conversations, to lovingly bring up the hard questions, more Kates would get a chance to think this through, the same way she'll have to think through immunization, public school, vegetarianism.
What if one, or more, of these couples decide they aren't going to choose? They are going to boldly do both. What I tell my couples then is, in my opinion you have chosen the harder road. Now it becomes all the more important that you and I remain in touch. What if you need help? What if you hit a tough issue that isn't working out? Then you need to know that I'm not mad at you, that I care about you, that I want to help think things out with you. You have to feel confident that you can call me.
Sincerity and kindness can go places that angry and rejection cannot tread.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Outreach to the Birthright Alums
A few days ago, Aug. 26, 2009, the Forward ran this article:
Largest Outreach Effort for Alums Of Birthright Raises Concerns
(http://www.forward.com/articles/112920/)
What’s the “concern?” The charge is that the largest, most well-funded organizer of follow-up programs for Birthright alumni, the Jewish Enrichment Center, been given a virtual monopoly on reaching out to the tens of thousands of Birthright alumni who return to the New York Tri-State area and that they are Orthodox.
As I began reading I found nothing to be so upset about. The program is non-denominational, has a terrific sounding offering, and environment for young people to hang out, learn and get to know other young Jews. They have Hebrew classes, challah baking, Friday night dinners and a training program for those who didn’t have a bar or bat mitzvah. As a mom of a Birthright alum it all sounded good to me. In fact I’ve been hoping and asking for some meaningful followup for my San Francisco bay area alum daughter.
I don’t care that the Orthodox rabbi isn’t into labels; personally I have frum friends and I get tired of hearing them disparaged. The accusation that the program is “slanted towards religious observance” sounded like it is more of a problem for my generation than my daughter’s. I have no objection to traditional Torah study as long as it’s accepting and embracing. I am onboard for kosher snacks, which I’m assuming they serve.
But then the program moved from religion, where they appear to be low key and open, to politics, where there is a clear conservative agenda. OK, they lost me. And truthfully, they’d lose my daughter.
What makes me sad is that it always seems like the money for extensive programming and an expensive building/meeting place only goes to orthodox endeavors. The liberal areas of the community can’t see their way clear to spend this money. So while I agree with the concerns expressed by Rabbi Yoffie of the Union for Reform Judaism (see the article), what I see is that no one is willing to fund a program of Reform (or Reconstructionist or Renewal or Conservative) Jewish outreach on this scale.
We in Outreach to Interfaith readily acknowledge the powerful message and consistent openness of Chabad. The frequent statement is, “we need to become a liberal version of Chabad.” What does that mean? First of all it means feeling confident of who we are, knowing our own boundaries. From a secure core it is a lot easier to open your arms to others. I hope that a clear and consistent mission statement will help funders see their way through to funding a liberal program of outreach. To you my fellow professionals, I believe the better we coordinate with each other and support each other (as the Chabad couples do) the stronger we will become.
But let me issue a cautionary note to the Jewish Enrichment Center, please ask yourself:
Will a conservative speaker (Grace-Marie Turner) who is opposed to public funding for abortions and is anti-President Obama catch the interest of this group of young Jews? If you think she will, you don’t know your audience. I suggest you check out the YouTube video, Sarah Silverman and the Great Schlep – that’s where the young Jews are.
Largest Outreach Effort for Alums Of Birthright Raises Concerns
(http://www.forward.com/articles/112920/)
What’s the “concern?” The charge is that the largest, most well-funded organizer of follow-up programs for Birthright alumni, the Jewish Enrichment Center, been given a virtual monopoly on reaching out to the tens of thousands of Birthright alumni who return to the New York Tri-State area and that they are Orthodox.
As I began reading I found nothing to be so upset about. The program is non-denominational, has a terrific sounding offering, and environment for young people to hang out, learn and get to know other young Jews. They have Hebrew classes, challah baking, Friday night dinners and a training program for those who didn’t have a bar or bat mitzvah. As a mom of a Birthright alum it all sounded good to me. In fact I’ve been hoping and asking for some meaningful followup for my San Francisco bay area alum daughter.
I don’t care that the Orthodox rabbi isn’t into labels; personally I have frum friends and I get tired of hearing them disparaged. The accusation that the program is “slanted towards religious observance” sounded like it is more of a problem for my generation than my daughter’s. I have no objection to traditional Torah study as long as it’s accepting and embracing. I am onboard for kosher snacks, which I’m assuming they serve.
But then the program moved from religion, where they appear to be low key and open, to politics, where there is a clear conservative agenda. OK, they lost me. And truthfully, they’d lose my daughter.
What makes me sad is that it always seems like the money for extensive programming and an expensive building/meeting place only goes to orthodox endeavors. The liberal areas of the community can’t see their way clear to spend this money. So while I agree with the concerns expressed by Rabbi Yoffie of the Union for Reform Judaism (see the article), what I see is that no one is willing to fund a program of Reform (or Reconstructionist or Renewal or Conservative) Jewish outreach on this scale.
We in Outreach to Interfaith readily acknowledge the powerful message and consistent openness of Chabad. The frequent statement is, “we need to become a liberal version of Chabad.” What does that mean? First of all it means feeling confident of who we are, knowing our own boundaries. From a secure core it is a lot easier to open your arms to others. I hope that a clear and consistent mission statement will help funders see their way through to funding a liberal program of outreach. To you my fellow professionals, I believe the better we coordinate with each other and support each other (as the Chabad couples do) the stronger we will become.
But let me issue a cautionary note to the Jewish Enrichment Center, please ask yourself:
Will a conservative speaker (Grace-Marie Turner) who is opposed to public funding for abortions and is anti-President Obama catch the interest of this group of young Jews? If you think she will, you don’t know your audience. I suggest you check out the YouTube video, Sarah Silverman and the Great Schlep – that’s where the young Jews are.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Gary Tobin, a friend to interfaith professionals
No doubt you have read the articles about Gary Tobin, researcher, pioneer, founder of the Institute for Jewish and Community Research in San Francisco. Google his name and you'll find wonderful articles praising him. One of his most meaningful legacies is surely Be'chol Lashon, an organization that "reaches out to Jews of color and helps educate the mainstream community about Jewish diversity." Here in the San Francisco bay area the majority of multiracial Jews and Jewish families are aware of the organization. Thank goodness his wife, Diane Tobin, will keep it going.
Another gift he gave to us was his focus on bringing people INTO Judaism. Interfaith couples, seekers, Jews by Choice, who ever wanted to be part of Judaism, Gary said, bring 'em in. Why waste time fussing about "how Jewish" are they? They want to be a Jew? Fine.
Finally, I must say that attending Gary's funeral made one thing crystal clear. Gary's greatest project, with his wife, Diane, was his family. His six children each spoke lovingly of him and of each other. He was a good dad who created and sustained an amazing family. May we all learn from him that it is possible and necessary to be even better at home than we are at work.
Here are some links to articles online:
http://www.forward.com/articles/109035/
http://blogs.jta.org/philanthropy/article/2009/07/08/1006394/remembering-gary-tobin
http://www.businesswire.com/portal/site/google/?ndmViewId=news_view&newsId=20090708006066&newsLang=en
http://www.forward.com/articles/109084/
His website, www.garytobin.org, has a full list of media coverage.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
How Spiritual are America’s Jews?
A recent study by Steven Cohen and Lawrence Hoffman is titled:
How Spiritual are America’s Jews?
There is a good summary of the study done by Ed Case and I won’t repeat it. You can read it here
Let’s turn to the key findings that relate to our work in interfaith outreach:
* Unlike young non-Jewish Americans, young Jewish Americans are more spiritual than their elders.
* Two growing populations that are more spiritual – Orthodox Jews and “Extended Jews by Choice.” This second group, Extended Jews by Choice, is made up of Converts, individuals who did not convert but identify as Jewish, and the Adult children of interfaith couples who identify as Jewish. The combination of these three distinct groups as a single group is problematic if you are working with each of them. However, for the purposes of the study, they do share some interesting characteristics.
* Extended Jews by Choice have a greater comfort with spirituality perhaps because of their greater exposure to Christianity – a religion that is significantly more comfortable with and accustomed to God talk
* Mainstream Judaism lacks words for spirituality and spiritual experiences.
* Jews want their rabbis to talk about God, afterlife, meaning of life, individual meaning
What can we add to these conclusions from our own experience? We must ask, what does Orthodox Judaism have that we can learn from?
* Orthodox Judaism has spiritual words & comfort with God talk.
* Orthodox Judaism is not focused on pediatric Judaism but continues Jewish education through life with increasingly sophisticated views of the meaning of life and the role of human beings.
* Reflecting on the Interfaith component:
A growing segment of our population, interfaith families, want to learn more about the spiritual aspect of Jewish life as they consider how they will choose to live. We can and must engage them at a sophisticated, adult level. We are overly focused on educating the children at the risk of ignoring the needs of the adults. When we fail to reach out to people as individuals we give the impression that we only want their children. We need to value every human life beyond a person’s capacity to have babies.
Additionally, we must let Jews and non-Jews see that Judaism can have personal meaning for those who seek a life of the soul/spirit. Jews do have a God concept; in fact, a very interesting and complex array of God concepts. Jews do have ideas about the afterlife, reincarnation, resurrection, heaven – as well as acceptance of those who believe there is no afterlife, no heaven, no resurrection. As a Jew, you can believe pretty much anything and still fit within the diverse teachings of the rabbis. We do no interpret the bible literally and Judaism expects you to bring your brain to the discussion.
We have a lot to offer when we choose to provide adult education to individuals who did not receive a Jewish education as a child – whether they are Jewish or not.
How Spiritual are America’s Jews?
There is a good summary of the study done by Ed Case and I won’t repeat it. You can read it here
Let’s turn to the key findings that relate to our work in interfaith outreach:
* Unlike young non-Jewish Americans, young Jewish Americans are more spiritual than their elders.
* Two growing populations that are more spiritual – Orthodox Jews and “Extended Jews by Choice.” This second group, Extended Jews by Choice, is made up of Converts, individuals who did not convert but identify as Jewish, and the Adult children of interfaith couples who identify as Jewish. The combination of these three distinct groups as a single group is problematic if you are working with each of them. However, for the purposes of the study, they do share some interesting characteristics.
* Extended Jews by Choice have a greater comfort with spirituality perhaps because of their greater exposure to Christianity – a religion that is significantly more comfortable with and accustomed to God talk
* Mainstream Judaism lacks words for spirituality and spiritual experiences.
* Jews want their rabbis to talk about God, afterlife, meaning of life, individual meaning
What can we add to these conclusions from our own experience? We must ask, what does Orthodox Judaism have that we can learn from?
* Orthodox Judaism has spiritual words & comfort with God talk.
* Orthodox Judaism is not focused on pediatric Judaism but continues Jewish education through life with increasingly sophisticated views of the meaning of life and the role of human beings.
* Reflecting on the Interfaith component:
A growing segment of our population, interfaith families, want to learn more about the spiritual aspect of Jewish life as they consider how they will choose to live. We can and must engage them at a sophisticated, adult level. We are overly focused on educating the children at the risk of ignoring the needs of the adults. When we fail to reach out to people as individuals we give the impression that we only want their children. We need to value every human life beyond a person’s capacity to have babies.
Additionally, we must let Jews and non-Jews see that Judaism can have personal meaning for those who seek a life of the soul/spirit. Jews do have a God concept; in fact, a very interesting and complex array of God concepts. Jews do have ideas about the afterlife, reincarnation, resurrection, heaven – as well as acceptance of those who believe there is no afterlife, no heaven, no resurrection. As a Jew, you can believe pretty much anything and still fit within the diverse teachings of the rabbis. We do no interpret the bible literally and Judaism expects you to bring your brain to the discussion.
We have a lot to offer when we choose to provide adult education to individuals who did not receive a Jewish education as a child – whether they are Jewish or not.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Cultural Differences between America and Judaism
For years I have been discussing with interfaith couples the core disconnect between being - AMERICAN and JEWISH. America has a culture of autonomy and individual choice while Judaism is a culture of mutuality and sacrifice for the whole. Neither one is “right” but they are different. For an AMERICAN JEW the divergent ways of perceiving one relationships and responsibility can be confusing.
Here’s an interesting article that brings it up in terms of American and Israeli Jews.
http://blogs.jta.org/telegraph/article/2008/12/03/1001323/still-a-single-jewish-people
The better we ourselves understand this and can articulate it to couples the better prepared our couples will be to discuss their differing views.
Several months ago I had a couple come to see me in which both of the individuals were first generation Americans and shared an “old world” view of one’s responsibility to family and the community of origin. They both believed that the promises made to their parents must be kept. They were disgusted with siblings who had fallen away from their parents’ faiths and traditions. I pointed out to them that they were out of step with American cultural norms and were likely to be told that they should change their way of thinking. But since they were in agreement with each other it made more sense to me that they retain their shared perspectives and negotiate from a place where their values met.
Two days later I met with a couple in which the Jewish partner was an immigrant from Iran and the Christian was American with no recent immigrant past. In their case their core perspectives were in conflict. By American standards the Jew seemed old fashioned and hampered by an antiquated attachment to parents who live within a small Persian community. For this couple it was important to validate the non-American values and to acknowledge that, although they are not mainstream in the United States, they are not bad or wrong, just different. For this couple we needed to deal with the new world/old world, American/immigrant, individual/communal views that informed their discussion about family, parents and children.
Here’s an interesting article that brings it up in terms of American and Israeli Jews.
http://blogs.jta.org/telegraph/article/2008/12/03/1001323/still-a-single-jewish-people
The better we ourselves understand this and can articulate it to couples the better prepared our couples will be to discuss their differing views.
Several months ago I had a couple come to see me in which both of the individuals were first generation Americans and shared an “old world” view of one’s responsibility to family and the community of origin. They both believed that the promises made to their parents must be kept. They were disgusted with siblings who had fallen away from their parents’ faiths and traditions. I pointed out to them that they were out of step with American cultural norms and were likely to be told that they should change their way of thinking. But since they were in agreement with each other it made more sense to me that they retain their shared perspectives and negotiate from a place where their values met.
Two days later I met with a couple in which the Jewish partner was an immigrant from Iran and the Christian was American with no recent immigrant past. In their case their core perspectives were in conflict. By American standards the Jew seemed old fashioned and hampered by an antiquated attachment to parents who live within a small Persian community. For this couple it was important to validate the non-American values and to acknowledge that, although they are not mainstream in the United States, they are not bad or wrong, just different. For this couple we needed to deal with the new world/old world, American/immigrant, individual/communal views that informed their discussion about family, parents and children.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Reform and Conservative rabbis to learn together
Interesting news! The Reform and Conservative rabbinic schools will be working on a new combine educational track that will focus on three areas:
One part is demographics and Jewish communal trends. Another is management and organizational leadership. And the last is inclusion, with an emphasis on the intermarried.
How amazing that the rabbis will be educated about demographics and Jewish communal trends! Be still my heart, what this could lead to! Additionally, the opportunity to learn together about how to approach the inclusion of intermarried couples into congregational life is fantastic. This will provide a rich dialog and an exchange of information.
Years ago Esther Perel was brought out to do a weekend teaching with the bay area rabbis. It was a powerful experience for them. One Conservative rabbi told me that the dialog that took place between the rabbis transformed his understanding of his Reform colleagues. He understood their struggle with Jewish law and boundaries as he had never done before. This is a two way street. Reform rabbis also have the chance to understand the longing of the Conservative rabbis to find a comfortable place for each of their beloved congregants. Each stream will find how much they have in common.
It will be called the Schusterman Rabbinical Fellowship.
Read the article at:
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/2008071520080715hucjts.html
One part is demographics and Jewish communal trends. Another is management and organizational leadership. And the last is inclusion, with an emphasis on the intermarried.
How amazing that the rabbis will be educated about demographics and Jewish communal trends! Be still my heart, what this could lead to! Additionally, the opportunity to learn together about how to approach the inclusion of intermarried couples into congregational life is fantastic. This will provide a rich dialog and an exchange of information.
Years ago Esther Perel was brought out to do a weekend teaching with the bay area rabbis. It was a powerful experience for them. One Conservative rabbi told me that the dialog that took place between the rabbis transformed his understanding of his Reform colleagues. He understood their struggle with Jewish law and boundaries as he had never done before. This is a two way street. Reform rabbis also have the chance to understand the longing of the Conservative rabbis to find a comfortable place for each of their beloved congregants. Each stream will find how much they have in common.
It will be called the Schusterman Rabbinical Fellowship.
Read the article at:
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/2008071520080715hucjts.html
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Hillel: Welcome to my Life!
FROM EVE COULSON
So much great information has been coming our way lately, largely thanks to Dawn, that when I got this from another source, I wasn't sure whether we'd already seen it or not. So to be safe, I'm passing it along for your perusal and possible discussion among us.
Hillel opens doors to non-Jews
In a move that Hillel leaders say has been forced upon them by this generation's altered social landscape, the organization is throwing open its doors to everyone, designing programs that appeal to Jews and non-Jews and hyping its contribution to university -- not only Jewish - life.
Dear all,
Yes, this is groundbreaking! I began with the title, "Welcome to my Life!" As the mother of a college student I am seeing this process first hand. I am guessing that Eve, with your two college kids you had some of the same experiences.
My college-age daughter got Easter week off as spring break (please don't tell me that America is secular!) She and her roommate, an observant Catholic, and their suitemate, a mainstream American (I call them American folkloric Christians because they observe Christian practices and holidays as folk behaviors, not religion) drove down to Disneyland to see her close friend from high school, a black, gay male who used to be Christian but his church rejects gays. Her friend, Nate, works at Disneyland and got them in for free.
When she got home, my daughter immediately began planning the guests for seder. Her friends were an assumed "yes" from mom. Naturally she is right. I expect to welcome anyone she invites.
And here's the NEW TRUTH, my daughter expects her non-Jewish friends to enjoy being immersed in a Jewish practice.
What do we learn from this?
In our programming we must reflect the new reality - that young Jews are completely comfortable being public as Jews and expect to blend their Jewish behaviors with their non-Jewish friends and loved ones. That means that the concept of "inreach" - a program that engages those who are Jewish and brings them closer to Judaism is going to be MORE successful in attracting young Jews if those young Jews can bring their non-Jewish friends. So as we are developing programs - inreach needs to use outreach - and we have to think more complexly. We must plan a program that engages the experienced Jew, one raised with a Jewish education and Jewish practice in the home, AND also engages the novice.
I will use the example of the Passover Workshop that I just offered last Sunday. I promoted it as "whether you are a novice or an old hand at seder, you will learn something new" and I included a charoset tasting.
For the novice, we explained the elements of the seder table and seder plate. For the experienced seder-holder I took them through the years of evolving your seder to meet the needs of your guests as you go from pre-children, to children ages zero to teen, to a table of experienced adults. Add to that the experiencial part of tasting the five charoset, including a California charoset made with avocado, and there was lots of discussion and comparision. I also had a table of some 30 different haggadot to peruse. More conversations were generated as participants discussed what they liked or wanted in a haggadah and gave each other advice.
One woman told me, "I've never done seder before but now I see it's not so complicated as I thought. I'm going to do it this year!" Another woman who is a seasoned Jewish professional said, "I loved that! I'm a Passover junkie!"
That becomes our goal. A program that can stretch in each direction. That is what the young Jews are willing to come to.
Now do look at www.jewcy.com and some of the Jewish bloggers to see the Jewish events that go off into a new realm.
At Emanu-el in San Francisco they have Spookalot at Sukkot, blending together the national folkloric holiday of Halloween with Sukkot. They get together in a sukkah and the rabbi reads them ghostly stories. Are there Jewish ghost stories? Of course!
Please share with the group any events or programs you are planning or currently offer that address any of these ideas.
Is there something you would like to do? A half formed idea that you'd like help fleshing out?
Toss it out there. Let's see what people say.
So much great information has been coming our way lately, largely thanks to Dawn, that when I got this from another source, I wasn't sure whether we'd already seen it or not. So to be safe, I'm passing it along for your perusal and possible discussion among us.
Hillel opens doors to non-Jews
In a move that Hillel leaders say has been forced upon them by this generation's altered social landscape, the organization is throwing open its doors to everyone, designing programs that appeal to Jews and non-Jews and hyping its contribution to university -- not only Jewish - life.
Dear all,
Yes, this is groundbreaking! I began with the title, "Welcome to my Life!" As the mother of a college student I am seeing this process first hand. I am guessing that Eve, with your two college kids you had some of the same experiences.
My college-age daughter got Easter week off as spring break (please don't tell me that America is secular!) She and her roommate, an observant Catholic, and their suitemate, a mainstream American (I call them American folkloric Christians because they observe Christian practices and holidays as folk behaviors, not religion) drove down to Disneyland to see her close friend from high school, a black, gay male who used to be Christian but his church rejects gays. Her friend, Nate, works at Disneyland and got them in for free.
When she got home, my daughter immediately began planning the guests for seder. Her friends were an assumed "yes" from mom. Naturally she is right. I expect to welcome anyone she invites.
And here's the NEW TRUTH, my daughter expects her non-Jewish friends to enjoy being immersed in a Jewish practice.
What do we learn from this?
In our programming we must reflect the new reality - that young Jews are completely comfortable being public as Jews and expect to blend their Jewish behaviors with their non-Jewish friends and loved ones. That means that the concept of "inreach" - a program that engages those who are Jewish and brings them closer to Judaism is going to be MORE successful in attracting young Jews if those young Jews can bring their non-Jewish friends. So as we are developing programs - inreach needs to use outreach - and we have to think more complexly. We must plan a program that engages the experienced Jew, one raised with a Jewish education and Jewish practice in the home, AND also engages the novice.
I will use the example of the Passover Workshop that I just offered last Sunday. I promoted it as "whether you are a novice or an old hand at seder, you will learn something new" and I included a charoset tasting.
For the novice, we explained the elements of the seder table and seder plate. For the experienced seder-holder I took them through the years of evolving your seder to meet the needs of your guests as you go from pre-children, to children ages zero to teen, to a table of experienced adults. Add to that the experiencial part of tasting the five charoset, including a California charoset made with avocado, and there was lots of discussion and comparision. I also had a table of some 30 different haggadot to peruse. More conversations were generated as participants discussed what they liked or wanted in a haggadah and gave each other advice.
One woman told me, "I've never done seder before but now I see it's not so complicated as I thought. I'm going to do it this year!" Another woman who is a seasoned Jewish professional said, "I loved that! I'm a Passover junkie!"
That becomes our goal. A program that can stretch in each direction. That is what the young Jews are willing to come to.
Now do look at www.jewcy.com and some of the Jewish bloggers to see the Jewish events that go off into a new realm.
At Emanu-el in San Francisco they have Spookalot at Sukkot, blending together the national folkloric holiday of Halloween with Sukkot. They get together in a sukkah and the rabbi reads them ghostly stories. Are there Jewish ghost stories? Of course!
Please share with the group any events or programs you are planning or currently offer that address any of these ideas.
Is there something you would like to do? A half formed idea that you'd like help fleshing out?
Toss it out there. Let's see what people say.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Jewish DNA, non-Jews and Converts
Here is a fascinating article on the current research done on Jewish DNA.
I sent it out to my Jews by Choice to help them think about the elements of Jewish history that contribute to the challenge of being seen as a Jew by born Jews, many of whom remain attached to the idea of a Jewish bloodline.
You'll note that towards the end of the article Jon Entine is asked about the value of non-Jews entering the Jewish gene pool. He refers to the value of hybrid vigor* - a term that Joel Crohn has used to me -- it is the new genetic input that biologically strengthens the creatures in question -- here, the Jews.
I don’t think it will change the thinking of the ultra Orthodox, but it is a fascinating revelation to see that science proves that there may be halachically non-Jewish Jews all through the most traditional of Jewish communities. Additionally, it shows that in the past Jewish men traveled the globe and took non-Jewish wives who then raised their children as Jews. Of course, we are also talking about a time in which women has no rights and were the property of their husbands, taking on the ways of the family/people into which they had married. No, I don't want to go THERE! But what can we learn from this? Interesting stuff!
Link to article:
http://reformjudaismmag.org/Articles/index.cfm?id=1321
Quote from article:
From an evolutionary point of view, then, it’s healthy to bring people from other communities into the Jewish community, so the Jewish gene pool doesn’t become so homogenous.
From this perspective, yes, intermarriage is great; it’s what geneticists call hybrid vigor. In mixing populations genetically, we’re assuring that future Jewish generations will be healthier. From a genetic and Jewish cultural continuity perspective, however, the best of all possible worlds is for Jews to marry non-Jews who convert to Judaism.
*The encyclopedic definition is:
Heterosis is a term used in genetics and selective breeding. The term heterosis, also known as hybrid vigor or outbreeding enhancement, describes the increased strength of different characteristics in hybrids; the possibility to obtain a "better" individual by combining the virtues of its parents.
I sent it out to my Jews by Choice to help them think about the elements of Jewish history that contribute to the challenge of being seen as a Jew by born Jews, many of whom remain attached to the idea of a Jewish bloodline.
You'll note that towards the end of the article Jon Entine is asked about the value of non-Jews entering the Jewish gene pool. He refers to the value of hybrid vigor* - a term that Joel Crohn has used to me -- it is the new genetic input that biologically strengthens the creatures in question -- here, the Jews.
I don’t think it will change the thinking of the ultra Orthodox, but it is a fascinating revelation to see that science proves that there may be halachically non-Jewish Jews all through the most traditional of Jewish communities. Additionally, it shows that in the past Jewish men traveled the globe and took non-Jewish wives who then raised their children as Jews. Of course, we are also talking about a time in which women has no rights and were the property of their husbands, taking on the ways of the family/people into which they had married. No, I don't want to go THERE! But what can we learn from this? Interesting stuff!
Link to article:
http://reformjudaismmag.org/Articles/index.cfm?id=1321
Quote from article:
From an evolutionary point of view, then, it’s healthy to bring people from other communities into the Jewish community, so the Jewish gene pool doesn’t become so homogenous.
From this perspective, yes, intermarriage is great; it’s what geneticists call hybrid vigor. In mixing populations genetically, we’re assuring that future Jewish generations will be healthier. From a genetic and Jewish cultural continuity perspective, however, the best of all possible worlds is for Jews to marry non-Jews who convert to Judaism.
*The encyclopedic definition is:
Heterosis is a term used in genetics and selective breeding. The term heterosis, also known as hybrid vigor or outbreeding enhancement, describes the increased strength of different characteristics in hybrids; the possibility to obtain a "better" individual by combining the virtues of its parents.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
It's Not Just Who Stands Under the Chuppah
The Fern Chertok and Leonard Saxe study is out and it is a superb result - informative and useful.
I want to look beyond the headlines. This is not a rosy affirmation that interfaith couples turn out to be just like Jewish - Jewish couples.
What is the study saying?
Yes, interfaith couples, when you control for Jewish education level, look very much like JJ couples in the Reform movement.
But look closely, the JJ couples don’t look so good. This is a bit like saying people with pneumonia don’t look any worse than people with the plague.
Looking at the levels of observance and practice studied we see low numbers for both groups.
Very emotionally attached to Israel
JJ couples 17% IF couples 16%
Any Jewish organizational ties
JJ couples 54% IF couples 57%
Usually light Shabbat candles
JJ couples 13% IF couples 12%
Very important to be Jewish
JJ couples 37% IF couples 29%
In essence, this is a startling revelation of the low level of the Reform Jews’ engagement with Jewish life.
But don’t throw in the towel, there is also good news.
Chertok/Saxe identify three critical elements to Jewish engagement.
1) Jewish Education
Remember that all of the above statistics are based on “controlling for education.” That is, a poorly educated Jew, no matter who they marry, doesn’t do much Jewishly. A well educated Jew, no matter who they marry, does – or is significantly more likely to.
As one highly educated Jew in my community put it, “I painted a very orthodox picture of life with me to my (now) husband when we were talking about marriage.” Indeed, she and her husband and children are synagogue affiliated, active in Federation, and the children attend day school.
2) Home Ritual
The study finds that those who have a bank of Jewish memories are more likely to repeat the behaviors those memories are based on. This makes abundant common sense. If you can’t play the piano, do you really identify as a pianist? Do you believe yourself capable of things you have no personal, repeated experience of doing? In order to BE Jewish, one must know how to DO Jewish.
For those who remember the scent of challah baking, the excitement of staying up for Shavuot, making decorations for the sukkah, there is the desire and knowledge to repeat them in adulthood. These practices from childhood are no less powerful than the memories associated with Christmas. We must stock up the Jewish bank with Jewish capital.
Side note: You may be aware that scientists have found that the sense of smell is our longest carrier of memories. In other words, you can smell something from your past and it will arouse a memory better and longer than visual or auditory stimuli. Interestingly this carrying over to smell’s companion sense - taste. Immigrants retain the cuisine of their home culture even after assimilating in other ways to the dominate culture. I frequently encourage my interfaith couples to integrate sensory Jewish experiences into their lives.
3) Social Networks
This study states that having Jewish friends increased the likelihood that an individual will engage in Jewish life and practice.
Studies in all the social sciences report the power of peer influence. A recent study on Early Childhood Education looked at what causes parents to put their children in Jewish preschools. They found the number one factor was the actions of their friends. They titled this: Peer Influence.
What causes kids to join gangs? What supports alcoholics in remaining “dry”? The support and influence of a peer group.
Chertok/Saxe state it brilliantly:
Having Jewish friends growing up and especially in high school may help make Jewish identity and home ritual normative. Jewish summer camps, youth movements, and campus organizations provide environments in which to enact Jewish values and practice Jewish behaviors with peers. Without opportunities for social comparison with a group of Jewish friends, teens and young adults may come to believe that acting out one’s Jewish identity is potentially uncomfortable and isolating.
(The bold is my emphasis.) This is no different from all “fitting in” behaviors of normal human beings. Whether our couple is JJ or IF, they need Jewish friends for all of the above reasons.
From this study, we can readily conclude that by increasing EDUCATION, HOME RITUAL, and SOCIAL NETWORKS we can positively influence JJ and IF couples to become comfortable with Jewish life and encourage them to embrace and deepen their Jewish practice.
Recommendations to the community
The question that simply leaps off the page is:
If interfaith families in a Reform environment become like Reform Jews, do interfaith families in a Conservative environment become like Conservative Jews?
Are interfaith couples being assimilate into the Jewish community in which they live?
The question can be extended to interfaith couples in an Orthodox environment and a secular environment.
A colleague of mine who was the non-Jewish partner (she has since converted) in a Conservative congregation and participated in a self study that the bay area Conservative moment did of interfaith in their congregations said, “Interfaith families in the Conservative moment know what they are getting into and make the choice to go for greater practice.”
Additionally, I know an interfaith couple at a local Orthodox congregation who is kosher and shomer Shabbos.
We, the on the ground professionals, must press the demographers to explore this vital finding. Perhaps Steven Cohen, a Conservative Jew, would be able to help. Key to the Saxe study is a survey done of the Reform movement’s lay leaders. Perhaps Steve Cohen would know of a comparable study from the Conservative movement that could be used with the 2000 NJPS and the data from Birthright.
ACTION ITEMS
1) Jewish education
Since the 1990 NJPS the community’s focus has been on Jewish education and many studies say it is paying off. But Jewish education must be better, cheaper and longer.
The VAST MAJORITY of our children are educated in synagogue Hebrew schools. These schools have teachers who are not credentialed, poorly paid, part-time and sometimes barely ahead of their students.
Synagogues are perennially short of money, staff and time. Until Jewish funders stop worrying about denominations and movements and put real money into the synagogue schools that are actually educating most Jewish children, we will continue to have inadequately educated Jews. We will continue to lose the struggle to retain a generation.
2) Home ritual
Adult Jews must be provided with the skills and knowledge to practice at home. But that will most likely start outside their home. They need classes that are fun, meaningful and transformative. Here is where Outreach is essential. Our programs are often labeled as NOT supporting the core of born Jews. But we know differently. We have to start collecting the statistics that show the number of shy and ambivalent Jews that utilize our entry point programs to come in. They are often more comfortable in the presence of some non-Jews whom they expect to be less knowledgeable than themselves and therefore, less threatening.
3) Social Networks
In this hideously busy world it is hard to build relationships. Chavurot, classes, and other ongoing multi-session programs are needed to create time and opportunity for individuals to connect. In a couples group or a class setting, people get to know each other over discussion of shared interests and concerns. Outreach programs offer unaffiliated couples and families these bridging opportunities.
I ran a one-year chavura for unaffiliated interfaith families three years ago. They were one of the most disengaged groups I have ever experienced. But they clicked and they continue to meet. Several of them have since joined congregations and I hope their influence will draw in, or at least support, the remaining couples. Time and repetition has an amazing power.
I also used to form chavurot in a synagogue environment 20 years ago. Those chavurot remain intact and the families have not left the synagogue as their children aged and are now leaving home.
Where Do We, the Outreach Professionals, Fit In?
There are no street signs saying, “This way to be Jewish.” There is no section of the Yellow pages in my community that is labeled “Jewish.” In fact, the synagogues in my area are listed under CHURCHES.
The Outreach Professional creates a bridge between the unaffiliated and Jewish life. Our ads in secular media, our websites, our programs - are all entry points to participation.
A community without an Outreach professional is a community without a guide. The Outreach professional functions as the hub to all possible points of engagement for the uninformed seeker - Jewish or not yet Jewish.
I want to look beyond the headlines. This is not a rosy affirmation that interfaith couples turn out to be just like Jewish - Jewish couples.
What is the study saying?
Yes, interfaith couples, when you control for Jewish education level, look very much like JJ couples in the Reform movement.
But look closely, the JJ couples don’t look so good. This is a bit like saying people with pneumonia don’t look any worse than people with the plague.
Looking at the levels of observance and practice studied we see low numbers for both groups.
Very emotionally attached to Israel
JJ couples 17% IF couples 16%
Any Jewish organizational ties
JJ couples 54% IF couples 57%
Usually light Shabbat candles
JJ couples 13% IF couples 12%
Very important to be Jewish
JJ couples 37% IF couples 29%
In essence, this is a startling revelation of the low level of the Reform Jews’ engagement with Jewish life.
But don’t throw in the towel, there is also good news.
Chertok/Saxe identify three critical elements to Jewish engagement.
1) Jewish Education
Remember that all of the above statistics are based on “controlling for education.” That is, a poorly educated Jew, no matter who they marry, doesn’t do much Jewishly. A well educated Jew, no matter who they marry, does – or is significantly more likely to.
As one highly educated Jew in my community put it, “I painted a very orthodox picture of life with me to my (now) husband when we were talking about marriage.” Indeed, she and her husband and children are synagogue affiliated, active in Federation, and the children attend day school.
2) Home Ritual
The study finds that those who have a bank of Jewish memories are more likely to repeat the behaviors those memories are based on. This makes abundant common sense. If you can’t play the piano, do you really identify as a pianist? Do you believe yourself capable of things you have no personal, repeated experience of doing? In order to BE Jewish, one must know how to DO Jewish.
For those who remember the scent of challah baking, the excitement of staying up for Shavuot, making decorations for the sukkah, there is the desire and knowledge to repeat them in adulthood. These practices from childhood are no less powerful than the memories associated with Christmas. We must stock up the Jewish bank with Jewish capital.
Side note: You may be aware that scientists have found that the sense of smell is our longest carrier of memories. In other words, you can smell something from your past and it will arouse a memory better and longer than visual or auditory stimuli. Interestingly this carrying over to smell’s companion sense - taste. Immigrants retain the cuisine of their home culture even after assimilating in other ways to the dominate culture. I frequently encourage my interfaith couples to integrate sensory Jewish experiences into their lives.
3) Social Networks
This study states that having Jewish friends increased the likelihood that an individual will engage in Jewish life and practice.
Studies in all the social sciences report the power of peer influence. A recent study on Early Childhood Education looked at what causes parents to put their children in Jewish preschools. They found the number one factor was the actions of their friends. They titled this: Peer Influence.
What causes kids to join gangs? What supports alcoholics in remaining “dry”? The support and influence of a peer group.
Chertok/Saxe state it brilliantly:
Having Jewish friends growing up and especially in high school may help make Jewish identity and home ritual normative. Jewish summer camps, youth movements, and campus organizations provide environments in which to enact Jewish values and practice Jewish behaviors with peers. Without opportunities for social comparison with a group of Jewish friends, teens and young adults may come to believe that acting out one’s Jewish identity is potentially uncomfortable and isolating.
(The bold is my emphasis.) This is no different from all “fitting in” behaviors of normal human beings. Whether our couple is JJ or IF, they need Jewish friends for all of the above reasons.
From this study, we can readily conclude that by increasing EDUCATION, HOME RITUAL, and SOCIAL NETWORKS we can positively influence JJ and IF couples to become comfortable with Jewish life and encourage them to embrace and deepen their Jewish practice.
Recommendations to the community
The question that simply leaps off the page is:
If interfaith families in a Reform environment become like Reform Jews, do interfaith families in a Conservative environment become like Conservative Jews?
Are interfaith couples being assimilate into the Jewish community in which they live?
The question can be extended to interfaith couples in an Orthodox environment and a secular environment.
A colleague of mine who was the non-Jewish partner (she has since converted) in a Conservative congregation and participated in a self study that the bay area Conservative moment did of interfaith in their congregations said, “Interfaith families in the Conservative moment know what they are getting into and make the choice to go for greater practice.”
Additionally, I know an interfaith couple at a local Orthodox congregation who is kosher and shomer Shabbos.
We, the on the ground professionals, must press the demographers to explore this vital finding. Perhaps Steven Cohen, a Conservative Jew, would be able to help. Key to the Saxe study is a survey done of the Reform movement’s lay leaders. Perhaps Steve Cohen would know of a comparable study from the Conservative movement that could be used with the 2000 NJPS and the data from Birthright.
ACTION ITEMS
1) Jewish education
Since the 1990 NJPS the community’s focus has been on Jewish education and many studies say it is paying off. But Jewish education must be better, cheaper and longer.
The VAST MAJORITY of our children are educated in synagogue Hebrew schools. These schools have teachers who are not credentialed, poorly paid, part-time and sometimes barely ahead of their students.
Synagogues are perennially short of money, staff and time. Until Jewish funders stop worrying about denominations and movements and put real money into the synagogue schools that are actually educating most Jewish children, we will continue to have inadequately educated Jews. We will continue to lose the struggle to retain a generation.
2) Home ritual
Adult Jews must be provided with the skills and knowledge to practice at home. But that will most likely start outside their home. They need classes that are fun, meaningful and transformative. Here is where Outreach is essential. Our programs are often labeled as NOT supporting the core of born Jews. But we know differently. We have to start collecting the statistics that show the number of shy and ambivalent Jews that utilize our entry point programs to come in. They are often more comfortable in the presence of some non-Jews whom they expect to be less knowledgeable than themselves and therefore, less threatening.
3) Social Networks
In this hideously busy world it is hard to build relationships. Chavurot, classes, and other ongoing multi-session programs are needed to create time and opportunity for individuals to connect. In a couples group or a class setting, people get to know each other over discussion of shared interests and concerns. Outreach programs offer unaffiliated couples and families these bridging opportunities.
I ran a one-year chavura for unaffiliated interfaith families three years ago. They were one of the most disengaged groups I have ever experienced. But they clicked and they continue to meet. Several of them have since joined congregations and I hope their influence will draw in, or at least support, the remaining couples. Time and repetition has an amazing power.
I also used to form chavurot in a synagogue environment 20 years ago. Those chavurot remain intact and the families have not left the synagogue as their children aged and are now leaving home.
Where Do We, the Outreach Professionals, Fit In?
There are no street signs saying, “This way to be Jewish.” There is no section of the Yellow pages in my community that is labeled “Jewish.” In fact, the synagogues in my area are listed under CHURCHES.
The Outreach Professional creates a bridge between the unaffiliated and Jewish life. Our ads in secular media, our websites, our programs - are all entry points to participation.
A community without an Outreach professional is a community without a guide. The Outreach professional functions as the hub to all possible points of engagement for the uninformed seeker - Jewish or not yet Jewish.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Atlanta's Jewish community growing
An article in Thursday’s The Forward reports:
According to a 2006 study conducted by Jacob Ukeles and Ron Miller for the Jewish Federation of Greater Atlanta, the Jewish population was 119,800 in 2006 — an increase of 56% over 10 years — and by all accounts, new residents are still coming. Atlanta is now the 11th largest Jewish community in the United States.
Atlanta is the 11th largest Jewish Community
Estimated population in 2006 is basically 120,000
It’s increasing steadily
Atlanta has “homegrown philanthropists, which includes Home Depot founders Bernie Marcus and Arthur Blank.”
God willing, they’ll step up to the job and fund the Jewish institutional growth.
Here’s my favorite statistic: only 42% are members of a synagogue or Jewish organization
Would that my community could reach 42%!
And for those of us who think back fondly to Egon Mayer, I think that’s Ron Miller, his old friend, doing the study.
Read the entire article for yourself:
Growing Number of Jews Have Georgia on Their Mind
Th. March 13, 2008
http://www.forward.com/articles/12941/
According to a 2006 study conducted by Jacob Ukeles and Ron Miller for the Jewish Federation of Greater Atlanta, the Jewish population was 119,800 in 2006 — an increase of 56% over 10 years — and by all accounts, new residents are still coming. Atlanta is now the 11th largest Jewish community in the United States.
Atlanta is the 11th largest Jewish Community
Estimated population in 2006 is basically 120,000
It’s increasing steadily
Atlanta has “homegrown philanthropists, which includes Home Depot founders Bernie Marcus and Arthur Blank.”
God willing, they’ll step up to the job and fund the Jewish institutional growth.
Here’s my favorite statistic: only 42% are members of a synagogue or Jewish organization
Would that my community could reach 42%!
And for those of us who think back fondly to Egon Mayer, I think that’s Ron Miller, his old friend, doing the study.
Read the entire article for yourself:
Growing Number of Jews Have Georgia on Their Mind
Th. March 13, 2008
http://www.forward.com/articles/12941/
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Reflections on the URJ Biennial & the Coming Study
From the Biennial
Some of us were at the presentation in San Diego at the URJ Biennial in Dec. 2007 by Fern Chertoff and Leonard Saxe on interfaith families. They presented a Powerpoint on their latest study "It's Not Just Who Stands Under the Chuppah." The core message of the study was that when you control for Jewish education level, interfaith families look pretty much like non-Orthodox Jewish inmarried families. (The study itself is due out this month.)
Now there are a LOT of questions that this brings up that I will save for another moment. AND it adds to the data that Bruce Phillips shared with me a couple years ago (and I shared with all of you) about the importance of Jewish education in the perpetuation of Judaism. Like everything else in life, if you don't know how to do it or why to do it, eventually, you don't do it anymore.
There was a point during the workshop in San Diego at which Debbie Antonoff of Pathways Atlanta wondered if what was being presented was saying that Outreach to interfaith couples is irrelevant? Is our work without merit if everything depends on the Jewish educational level of the Jew in the interfaith marriage? I would say firmly, No. I believe that we are like the high school counselors, if you don't know you can get an education, don't know how to get an education, don't think you can afford an education, or think that time for one has passed you by, then you won't even try. We are the high school and college counselors, the college recruiters that go out and tell people, you can, you have access, it's not too expensive, you have a right to it, you can do it whether you're married to a Jew or not -that is- you can become Jewishly educated and so can your children.
I was discussing this question with Rabbi Menachem Creditor (he used to be in Boston and is now at Netivot Shalom in Berkeley, CA). The metaphor we discussed was the individual who is the first in their family to seek a college education. That individual does not know how to navigate the system and needs help in finding their way through it. Additionally, there may be students who don't even know that a college education is a possibility and unless someone reaches out to them with information, support and encouragement, they will never attempt college.
Wisdom from another study/talk
I recently went to the Brandeis site and read a brief article by Saxe titled:
Connecting Diaspora Young Adult to Israel: Lessons from Taglit-Birthright Israel
He sums up his findings with these four points:
1. Young adult Jews want to be connected
2. people-to-people connections are essential
3. education has to involve all of the senses
4. institutions must change and adapt.
These lessons—and others that each of you could draw—are as important as the individual changes that the program has wrought.
These four statements can be said of our work in outreach to the interfaith. They want to be connected, the people-to-people connection is essential -- this goes back to Bruce Phillips' quote, "The most powerful influence on an interfaith couple’s decision to raise their children Jewish is one person reaching out and inviting them to participate in Jewish life." Education must engage the senses and our institutions must adapt.
I think the institutions are adapting, the ones that are not will die and be replaced by new ones. In the bay area Jewish Gateways is an experiential new program that is a working!
Take a look at Rabbi Bridget Wynne's Jewish Gateways site at www.jewishgateways.org
For those organizations that are actually educating the couples and their children, look to Stepping Stones, Phyllis Adler's program in Denver. For information on such programs, you can talk to Lynne Wolfe who ran Pathways in New Jersey for 13 years. I bet when this study comes out the MetroWest Federation will be kicking themselves.
More thoughts to come.
Some of us were at the presentation in San Diego at the URJ Biennial in Dec. 2007 by Fern Chertoff and Leonard Saxe on interfaith families. They presented a Powerpoint on their latest study "It's Not Just Who Stands Under the Chuppah." The core message of the study was that when you control for Jewish education level, interfaith families look pretty much like non-Orthodox Jewish inmarried families. (The study itself is due out this month.)
Now there are a LOT of questions that this brings up that I will save for another moment. AND it adds to the data that Bruce Phillips shared with me a couple years ago (and I shared with all of you) about the importance of Jewish education in the perpetuation of Judaism. Like everything else in life, if you don't know how to do it or why to do it, eventually, you don't do it anymore.
There was a point during the workshop in San Diego at which Debbie Antonoff of Pathways Atlanta wondered if what was being presented was saying that Outreach to interfaith couples is irrelevant? Is our work without merit if everything depends on the Jewish educational level of the Jew in the interfaith marriage? I would say firmly, No. I believe that we are like the high school counselors, if you don't know you can get an education, don't know how to get an education, don't think you can afford an education, or think that time for one has passed you by, then you won't even try. We are the high school and college counselors, the college recruiters that go out and tell people, you can, you have access, it's not too expensive, you have a right to it, you can do it whether you're married to a Jew or not -that is- you can become Jewishly educated and so can your children.
I was discussing this question with Rabbi Menachem Creditor (he used to be in Boston and is now at Netivot Shalom in Berkeley, CA). The metaphor we discussed was the individual who is the first in their family to seek a college education. That individual does not know how to navigate the system and needs help in finding their way through it. Additionally, there may be students who don't even know that a college education is a possibility and unless someone reaches out to them with information, support and encouragement, they will never attempt college.
Wisdom from another study/talk
I recently went to the Brandeis site and read a brief article by Saxe titled:
Connecting Diaspora Young Adult to Israel: Lessons from Taglit-Birthright Israel
He sums up his findings with these four points:
1. Young adult Jews want to be connected
2. people-to-people connections are essential
3. education has to involve all of the senses
4. institutions must change and adapt.
These lessons—and others that each of you could draw—are as important as the individual changes that the program has wrought.
These four statements can be said of our work in outreach to the interfaith. They want to be connected, the people-to-people connection is essential -- this goes back to Bruce Phillips' quote, "The most powerful influence on an interfaith couple’s decision to raise their children Jewish is one person reaching out and inviting them to participate in Jewish life." Education must engage the senses and our institutions must adapt.
I think the institutions are adapting, the ones that are not will die and be replaced by new ones. In the bay area Jewish Gateways is an experiential new program that is a working!
Take a look at Rabbi Bridget Wynne's Jewish Gateways site at www.jewishgateways.org
For those organizations that are actually educating the couples and their children, look to Stepping Stones, Phyllis Adler's program in Denver. For information on such programs, you can talk to Lynne Wolfe who ran Pathways in New Jersey for 13 years. I bet when this study comes out the MetroWest Federation will be kicking themselves.
More thoughts to come.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Three New Studies
There new studies have hit our in boxes. In case you haven't noted it, here is the link to the JTA article on the studies:
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/2008030920080307intermarriagestudies.html
As we all read through them I'm curious to hear your thoughts.
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/2008030920080307intermarriagestudies.html
As we all read through them I'm curious to hear your thoughts.
Monday, March 10, 2008
PEW & Conversion
Friends,
I want to add to Dawn's wise analysis...
We need Jews to be educated and to taste the richness and sweetness of our traditions and spirituality because it is those Jews , who like Jews by Choice, are openly proud of their Judiasm.
As the PEW study tells us, people are shopping for what Judaism has and coming into Judaism ( more singles in significant numbers!) exactly because of what Judaism has...our tradition of interpretation of text, our respect for arguing with each other and the text, our strong communal ties. They want it and are PROUD to study and become a Jews.
I find that Jews who only identify with Judaism through food, ethnic humor and the like are exactly those Jews who do not think Judaism is cool, are not PROUD of their Jewish identity and do not accept Jews by Choice as "real Jews."
We need to start talking about this. We need to shout our pride from the rooftops. We need to get our rabbis to preach about why we should be proud. There is Black Pride, Gay Pride...why is there no Jewish Pride movement?
It is time to seek out the sources of Jewish discomfort with being openly and proudly Jewish and get rid of them. We need to shame those who think being of Jewish blood is enough to make them superior. It is time to say...Judaism is more than being descended from Jews. Unless we do, the Jews by Choice will continue to be treated rudely.
Karen Kushner
Project Welcome
San Francisco, CA
I want to add to Dawn's wise analysis...
We need Jews to be educated and to taste the richness and sweetness of our traditions and spirituality because it is those Jews , who like Jews by Choice, are openly proud of their Judiasm.
As the PEW study tells us, people are shopping for what Judaism has and coming into Judaism ( more singles in significant numbers!) exactly because of what Judaism has...our tradition of interpretation of text, our respect for arguing with each other and the text, our strong communal ties. They want it and are PROUD to study and become a Jews.
I find that Jews who only identify with Judaism through food, ethnic humor and the like are exactly those Jews who do not think Judaism is cool, are not PROUD of their Jewish identity and do not accept Jews by Choice as "real Jews."
We need to start talking about this. We need to shout our pride from the rooftops. We need to get our rabbis to preach about why we should be proud. There is Black Pride, Gay Pride...why is there no Jewish Pride movement?
It is time to seek out the sources of Jewish discomfort with being openly and proudly Jewish and get rid of them. We need to shame those who think being of Jewish blood is enough to make them superior. It is time to say...Judaism is more than being descended from Jews. Unless we do, the Jews by Choice will continue to be treated rudely.
Karen Kushner
Project Welcome
San Francisco, CA
Friday, March 7, 2008
PEW and Conversion
You have all probably seen the Tobin article on the PEW study, link below.
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/20080303tobinoped03022008.html
I have mixed feelings about it.
I love Gary’s passion and support of converts and conversion. At the same time I am aware of how his fervor is sometimes seen as over the top.
My thoughts on this topic.
I work with many Jews by Choice and seekers and I see them longing to be Jewish and rejoicing when they arrive. I agree that the formal Jewish community is often rude, rejecting and uncertain as to whether they want these new Jews. It’s high time that this changed. At a recent meeting with rabbis I urged them to demand that their congregants at the very least accept as Jews the people converted by their rabbi! I believe there should be no tolerance given to those who claim to cling to Judaism, yet fail to learn enough Jewish law to understand that YES, JUDAISM TAKES CONVERTS. And those people are then JUST JEWS.
I am also tired of the well-meaning politically correct Jews who are so busy telling Jews by choice how liberal and open they are that they fail to hear the less-than-happy experience of the convert. As recently as this week several individuals who are working towards conversion told me they don’t want to be identified as converts for fear of always being “second class.” Just a week ago Jews of color on a panel of converts described their lack of acceptance and recognition as fully Jewish by Caucasian Jews.
So here, I stand with Gary.
But, and this is a big but, he seems to discount Jewish education. Studies do show that the more extensive an individual’s Jewish education is the greater the likelihood that they will retain their Jewish identity and, yes, it lessons the probability they will marry a non-Jew.
I stand if FULL FAVOR of more Jewish education.
Why?
Can you play chopsticks on the piano? I can. And that’s it for me and the piano. I do not call myself a pianist. My mother can play... but that doesn’t make me a pianist.
No one can fully own their Jewish identity without knowledge of how to DO Jewish. The more you know, the better informed your choices will be, the more you are able to make for yourself a joyous Jewish life. Don’t know how to do Shabbat? You won’t be having much fun of Friday night through Saturday.
EVERY Jew should learn more. Just ask the converts!
What should we do?
We must work to offer EDUCATION to every Jew and non-Jew who wants it.
Every Jewish institution needs to determine its boundaries and work within them to welcome the seekers, Jewish or not.
We must be kind, even when we say no.
We must find many ways to say yes.
Yes, you can study with us.
Yes, you can eat and sing with us.
Yes, you can pray with us.
Yes, you can go to the movies, make cookies, dance, laugh, walk, talk, ponder the great question of the universe with us.
Yes, if you want to convert, you can.
My second worry with Gary’s article is that there is an unidentified enemy here. Someone whose “expression of religious freedom is locked somewhere in another time or place.” The vagueness of this straw man makes me nervous. I want to clarify a point for my own comfort. This is not about which stream of Judaism you hold to.
Dr. Joel Crohn put it beautifully in his book, Mixed Matches:
Some families’ objection to intermarriage, though, are genuinely religious. For the truly religious, race, class, ethnicity, and nationality are not the important issues. What they do seek is to have their children carry on what they believe is God’s truth. ... Even if you don’t share their beliefs, it’s important not to stereotype religious devotion as simply another form of intolerance. If you do, you may by confusing belief with bigotry. (pp. 208)
It may be that an Orthodox rabbi cannot accept a Reform convert in a minyan. We may be sad about that, but let’s see it for what it is, a different religious view of Judaism, not bigotry. Let us demonstrate the tolerance we desire from others.
Count your blessings that you are able to accept this or that person more than a more halachical bound Jew. Do you think they don’t suffer for longing to draw us all in? Is their pain not valid? Let us express the same compassion we teach and desire for ourselves.
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/20080303tobinoped03022008.html
I have mixed feelings about it.
I love Gary’s passion and support of converts and conversion. At the same time I am aware of how his fervor is sometimes seen as over the top.
My thoughts on this topic.
I work with many Jews by Choice and seekers and I see them longing to be Jewish and rejoicing when they arrive. I agree that the formal Jewish community is often rude, rejecting and uncertain as to whether they want these new Jews. It’s high time that this changed. At a recent meeting with rabbis I urged them to demand that their congregants at the very least accept as Jews the people converted by their rabbi! I believe there should be no tolerance given to those who claim to cling to Judaism, yet fail to learn enough Jewish law to understand that YES, JUDAISM TAKES CONVERTS. And those people are then JUST JEWS.
I am also tired of the well-meaning politically correct Jews who are so busy telling Jews by choice how liberal and open they are that they fail to hear the less-than-happy experience of the convert. As recently as this week several individuals who are working towards conversion told me they don’t want to be identified as converts for fear of always being “second class.” Just a week ago Jews of color on a panel of converts described their lack of acceptance and recognition as fully Jewish by Caucasian Jews.
So here, I stand with Gary.
But, and this is a big but, he seems to discount Jewish education. Studies do show that the more extensive an individual’s Jewish education is the greater the likelihood that they will retain their Jewish identity and, yes, it lessons the probability they will marry a non-Jew.
I stand if FULL FAVOR of more Jewish education.
Why?
Can you play chopsticks on the piano? I can. And that’s it for me and the piano. I do not call myself a pianist. My mother can play... but that doesn’t make me a pianist.
No one can fully own their Jewish identity without knowledge of how to DO Jewish. The more you know, the better informed your choices will be, the more you are able to make for yourself a joyous Jewish life. Don’t know how to do Shabbat? You won’t be having much fun of Friday night through Saturday.
EVERY Jew should learn more. Just ask the converts!
What should we do?
We must work to offer EDUCATION to every Jew and non-Jew who wants it.
Every Jewish institution needs to determine its boundaries and work within them to welcome the seekers, Jewish or not.
We must be kind, even when we say no.
We must find many ways to say yes.
Yes, you can study with us.
Yes, you can eat and sing with us.
Yes, you can pray with us.
Yes, you can go to the movies, make cookies, dance, laugh, walk, talk, ponder the great question of the universe with us.
Yes, if you want to convert, you can.
My second worry with Gary’s article is that there is an unidentified enemy here. Someone whose “expression of religious freedom is locked somewhere in another time or place.” The vagueness of this straw man makes me nervous. I want to clarify a point for my own comfort. This is not about which stream of Judaism you hold to.
Dr. Joel Crohn put it beautifully in his book, Mixed Matches:
Some families’ objection to intermarriage, though, are genuinely religious. For the truly religious, race, class, ethnicity, and nationality are not the important issues. What they do seek is to have their children carry on what they believe is God’s truth. ... Even if you don’t share their beliefs, it’s important not to stereotype religious devotion as simply another form of intolerance. If you do, you may by confusing belief with bigotry. (pp. 208)
It may be that an Orthodox rabbi cannot accept a Reform convert in a minyan. We may be sad about that, but let’s see it for what it is, a different religious view of Judaism, not bigotry. Let us demonstrate the tolerance we desire from others.
Count your blessings that you are able to accept this or that person more than a more halachical bound Jew. Do you think they don’t suffer for longing to draw us all in? Is their pain not valid? Let us express the same compassion we teach and desire for ourselves.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Religion in America: 2008 PEW Study
Yesterday a friend of mine, a research librarian, emailed me the link to the brand new:
U.S. Religious Landscape Survey 2008
Source: Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life
(http://religions.pewforum.org/pdf/report-religious-landscape-study-full.pdf)
This morning on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle was the story:
28% of us have left our childhood religion
(http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/02/26/MN18V8DHG.DTL)
Check your local papers and send me what they printed.
I read through the Pew report yesterday and picked out the Jewish elements and those national religion parts that I believe reflects on the American Jewish community. Take a look for yourself.
U.S. Religious Landscape Survey 2008
Source: Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life
(http://religions.pewforum.org/pdf/report-religious-landscape-study-full.pdf)
The Landscape Survey confirms that, indeed, there is a remarkable amount of movement by Americans from one religious group to another. Together with other sources of change in religious affiliation, such as immigration and fertility rates, this shifting helps account for the great dynamism of American religion. Looking only at changes from one major religious tradition to another (e.g., from Protestantism to Catholicism, or from Judaism to no religion), more than one-in-four U.S. adults (28%) have changed their religious affiliation from that in which they were raised.
pp. 22
EVERYONE is leaving religion, not just the Jews.
Net Winners and Losers
Which groups are the net winners and losers in the dynamic process of shifting religious affiliation? By comparing the distribution of the current religious affiliations of U.S. adults with their childhood religious affiliations, the Landscape Survey is able to provide a clear sense of the net effect of these movements within American religion.
The biggest gains due to changes in religious affiliation have been among those who say they are not affiliated with any particular religious group or tradition. Overall, 7.3% of the adult population says they were unaffiliated with any particular religion as a child. Today, however, 16.1% of adults say they are unaffiliated, a net increase of 8.8 percentage points. Sizeable numbers of those raised in all religions – from Catholicism to Protestantism to Judaism – are currently unaffiliated with any particular religion.
American Jewish population
Americans raised Jewish are 1.9% of the population. Americans now Jewish are 1.7% of the population, a loss of 0.2%
The Dynamics of Religious Change
As stated above, although there are net winners and losers in the process of religious change, no group is simply losing members or simply gaining members. Rather, each religious group is simultaneously gaining and losing members. To get the most complete picture of the dynamism of the American religious landscape, one must look at the total number of people entering and leaving each religion.
Of the American Jewish population:
Raised Jewish 1.9%
Converted to Judaism + 0.3%
Left Judaism - 0.5%
Now Jewish 1.7%
(If conversion increases by a mere .2% we will be gaining as many Jews as we are losing. Interesting thought. What would all that positive energy and engagement say to the born Jews?)
Affiliation Patterns: Coming, Going and Staying Put
In addition to documenting the high degree of religious movement in the U.S. population and the net winners and losers from changes in affiliation, analysis of the Landscape Survey also details which groups are most heavily comprised of people who have changed their affiliation, what faiths these people came from and which religious groups are most successful at retaining their childhood members.
The religious traditions most heavily comprised of people who have switched affiliation include the unaffiliated, Buddhists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, members of the “other faiths” category (e.g., Unitarians, members of New Age groups and members of Native American religions) and members of the “other Christian” tradition (including metaphysical Christians). For instance, more than two-thirds of Jehovah’s Witnesses were raised in some other faith or were not affiliated with any particular religion as a child, as were nearly three-quarters of Buddhists. Among people who are currently unaffiliated with any particular religion, nearly eight-in-ten were raised as members of one religion or another.
(I remember a fellow on a panel of adult children from interfaith homes saying his parents had "compromised" and become Unitarians. He has since become Jewish. He said, "No one is born and stays Unitarian. You either enter or leave it." Interesting perspective.)
Hindus, Catholics and Jews are the groups with the lowest proportion of members who have switched affiliation to these respective faiths. Overall, nine-in-ten Hindus were raised Hindu, 89% of Catholics were raised Catholic and 85% of Jews were raised Jewish.
(Ask yourself, what do these three groups share?)
Jewish:
15% raised Jewish switched religions
85% raised Jewish and remain Jewish
=100%
pp. 27
where did the new members come from?
Now Jewish:
5% Protestant
3% Catholic
2% all other faiths
5% not raised in a Faith
15% (of the total Jewish population = converts)
pp. 29
Retention of Childhood Members
Finally, the Landscape Survey makes it possible to look at which groups are most successful in retaining their childhood members. Hinduism exhibits the highest overall retention rate, with more than eight-in-ten (84%) adults who were raised as Hindu still identifying themselves as Hindu. The Mormon, Orthodox and Jewish traditions all have retention rates of at least 70%, while the retention rate for Catholics is 68%.
As mentioned previously, the group that has exhibited the strongest growth as a result of changes in affiliation is the unaffiliated population. Nevertheless, the overall retention rate of the unaffiliated population is relatively low (46%) compared with other groups. This means that more than half (54%) of those who were not affiliated with any particular religion as a child now identify themselves as members of one religion or another.
Two of the religious groups with the lowest retention rates are Jehovah’s Witnesses and Buddhists. Only slightly more than a third (37%) of adults who were raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses still identify themselves as Jehovah’s Witnesses. Half of all of those who were raised as Buddhists (50%) are still Buddhists.
Of the Jewish population:
76% were born Jewish and remain Jewish
9% converted to another religion
14% converted to no religion
pp. 30
(Compare with Protestant)
Overall, then, 80% of those who were raised as Protestant are still Protestant,
either within the same denominational family in which they were raised (52%) or within another Protestant family (28%). So only one-in-five (20%) adults who were raised as Protestant have left Protestantism altogether (7% for a non-Protestant religion and 13% for no religion at all).
Who Changes Affiliation?
Though the rates of change in affiliation among the different age groups are fairly comparable, there are interesting generational differences in the types of affiliation changes people undergo.
Among people age 70 and older, for instance, more than half of people who have changed affiliation have switched affiliation from one family to another within a religious tradition (e.g., from one Protestant denominational family to another). Among those under age 30, by contrast, roughly three-quarters of those who have changed affiliation left one religious tradition for another (e.g., left Protestantism for Catholicism) or for no religion at all.
With respect to other demographic characteristics, the Landscape Survey reveals few major demographic differences in the rates of religious change.
Gender
For instance, men are only slightly more likely to switch affiliation than women (45% vs. 42%).
Education
Similarly, there are few differences among adults with different educational backgrounds. Americans with a high school education or less are only somewhat less likely to have switched affiliation from the religion in which they were raised (41%) than people with at least some college education, college graduates and people with a post-graduate education (46%, 45% and 47%, respectively).
Religiously Mixed Marriages and Changes in Affiliation
The Landscape Survey finds that 27% of married people are in religiously mixed marriages. If marriages between people of different Protestant denominational families are included, the number of married people in religiously mixed marriages is nearly four-in-ten (37%). Among married couples, young people are more likely to be in religiously mixed marriages as compared with their older counterparts.
Among all the major religious traditions, Hindus and Mormons are most likely to have a spouse with the same religion (90% and 83%, respectively). Nearly four-in-five Catholics (78%) and seven-in-ten Jews (69%) are also married to someone with the same religious affiliation. By contrast, majorities of the unaffiliated population, members of the “other faiths” category and Buddhists are married to someone of a different religious background than their own. For example, only four-in-ten (41%) unaffiliated adults are married to a spouse who is also unaffiliated.
For Jews, Spouse is:
same religion 69%
Different religion 31%
Protestant 7%
Catholic 12%
all other religions 3%
No religious affiliation 8%
The Landscape Survey findings also make it possible to gauge, at least indirectly, the importance of marriage in changes in religious affiliation.
To the extent that people change their religious affiliation to match that of their spouse, one would expect to find lower rates of religiously mixed marriages among people who have changed affiliation than among those who have not switched. In fact, the survey finds just the opposite to be true: The incidence of religiously mixed marriages is much higher among people who have switched affiliation (50%) than among married people who have retained the religious affiliation of their youth (28%).
Intermarriage and Change in Affiliation
Spouse has...
Same religion Different religion
Among…
All married people 63% 37%
Married, has not changed religion 72% 28%
Married, has changed religion 50% 50%
Religious Composition of Age Groups
Jewish 2% of total population
18 - 29 2% of age group
30 - 39 2%
40 - 49 1%
50 - 59 1%
60 - 69 1%
70+ 2%
Age Distribution of Religious Traditions
Jews, too, tend to be older than other religious groups, with 51% age 50 and older.
Jewish population
age 18 - 29 20%
age 30 - 49 29%
age 50 - 65 29%
age 65+ 22%
Religious Affiliation of Racial and Ethnic Groups
Jewish - total percent of population is 2%
of white population 2%
Of Black population <0.5%
Of Asian population <0.5%
Other (mixed race) 1%
Latino <0.5%
Of all the major racial and ethnic groups in the U.S., blacks are the most likely to report a formal religious affiliation.
Asians are the ethnic group most likely to be unaffiliated.
In the Landscape Survey, a solid majority of Hispanics (58%) identify as Catholic, but nearly one-in-four are members of evangelical (16%) or other (8%) Protestant churches. Hispanics are about as likely as blacks to say they have no religious affiliation, and very few (2%) say they are atheist or agnostic.
Nearly a third (30%) of all whites are members of evangelical churches, almost twice the number who identify as unaffiliated (16%). About one-in-five (22%) whites are Catholic and a similar number (23%) are members of mainline Protestant churches.
Racial and Ethnic Distribution of Religious Traditions: Jewish
White 95%
Black 1%
Asian 0%
mixed 2%
Latino 3%
(I am going to email Diane and Gary Tobin about these numbers. They don't feel - or look - like the bay area community to me.)
Gender:
Jews, Muslims and Buddhists are composed of slightly more men than women.
Educational Levels of Religious Groups
Education level: less than HS High Sch some college college grad postgrad
Total Population: 14 36 23 16 11
Jewish 3 19 19 24 35
(If you stay in college longer, you probably delay having kids...)
Number of Children at Home for Religious Traditions: Jewish
0 children under 18 in home 72%
One child under 18 in home 9%
Two Children under 18 living 11%
Three plus 8%
U.S. Religious Landscape Survey 2008
Source: Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life
(http://religions.pewforum.org/pdf/report-religious-landscape-study-full.pdf)
This morning on the front page of the San Francisco Chronicle was the story:
28% of us have left our childhood religion
(http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/02/26/MN18V8DHG.DTL)
Check your local papers and send me what they printed.
I read through the Pew report yesterday and picked out the Jewish elements and those national religion parts that I believe reflects on the American Jewish community. Take a look for yourself.
U.S. Religious Landscape Survey 2008
Source: Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life
(http://religions.pewforum.org/pdf/report-religious-landscape-study-full.pdf)
The Landscape Survey confirms that, indeed, there is a remarkable amount of movement by Americans from one religious group to another. Together with other sources of change in religious affiliation, such as immigration and fertility rates, this shifting helps account for the great dynamism of American religion. Looking only at changes from one major religious tradition to another (e.g., from Protestantism to Catholicism, or from Judaism to no religion), more than one-in-four U.S. adults (28%) have changed their religious affiliation from that in which they were raised.
pp. 22
EVERYONE is leaving religion, not just the Jews.
Net Winners and Losers
Which groups are the net winners and losers in the dynamic process of shifting religious affiliation? By comparing the distribution of the current religious affiliations of U.S. adults with their childhood religious affiliations, the Landscape Survey is able to provide a clear sense of the net effect of these movements within American religion.
The biggest gains due to changes in religious affiliation have been among those who say they are not affiliated with any particular religious group or tradition. Overall, 7.3% of the adult population says they were unaffiliated with any particular religion as a child. Today, however, 16.1% of adults say they are unaffiliated, a net increase of 8.8 percentage points. Sizeable numbers of those raised in all religions – from Catholicism to Protestantism to Judaism – are currently unaffiliated with any particular religion.
American Jewish population
Americans raised Jewish are 1.9% of the population. Americans now Jewish are 1.7% of the population, a loss of 0.2%
The Dynamics of Religious Change
As stated above, although there are net winners and losers in the process of religious change, no group is simply losing members or simply gaining members. Rather, each religious group is simultaneously gaining and losing members. To get the most complete picture of the dynamism of the American religious landscape, one must look at the total number of people entering and leaving each religion.
Of the American Jewish population:
Raised Jewish 1.9%
Converted to Judaism + 0.3%
Left Judaism - 0.5%
Now Jewish 1.7%
(If conversion increases by a mere .2% we will be gaining as many Jews as we are losing. Interesting thought. What would all that positive energy and engagement say to the born Jews?)
Affiliation Patterns: Coming, Going and Staying Put
In addition to documenting the high degree of religious movement in the U.S. population and the net winners and losers from changes in affiliation, analysis of the Landscape Survey also details which groups are most heavily comprised of people who have changed their affiliation, what faiths these people came from and which religious groups are most successful at retaining their childhood members.
The religious traditions most heavily comprised of people who have switched affiliation include the unaffiliated, Buddhists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, members of the “other faiths” category (e.g., Unitarians, members of New Age groups and members of Native American religions) and members of the “other Christian” tradition (including metaphysical Christians). For instance, more than two-thirds of Jehovah’s Witnesses were raised in some other faith or were not affiliated with any particular religion as a child, as were nearly three-quarters of Buddhists. Among people who are currently unaffiliated with any particular religion, nearly eight-in-ten were raised as members of one religion or another.
(I remember a fellow on a panel of adult children from interfaith homes saying his parents had "compromised" and become Unitarians. He has since become Jewish. He said, "No one is born and stays Unitarian. You either enter or leave it." Interesting perspective.)
Hindus, Catholics and Jews are the groups with the lowest proportion of members who have switched affiliation to these respective faiths. Overall, nine-in-ten Hindus were raised Hindu, 89% of Catholics were raised Catholic and 85% of Jews were raised Jewish.
(Ask yourself, what do these three groups share?)
Jewish:
15% raised Jewish switched religions
85% raised Jewish and remain Jewish
=100%
pp. 27
where did the new members come from?
Now Jewish:
5% Protestant
3% Catholic
2% all other faiths
5% not raised in a Faith
15% (of the total Jewish population = converts)
pp. 29
Retention of Childhood Members
Finally, the Landscape Survey makes it possible to look at which groups are most successful in retaining their childhood members. Hinduism exhibits the highest overall retention rate, with more than eight-in-ten (84%) adults who were raised as Hindu still identifying themselves as Hindu. The Mormon, Orthodox and Jewish traditions all have retention rates of at least 70%, while the retention rate for Catholics is 68%.
As mentioned previously, the group that has exhibited the strongest growth as a result of changes in affiliation is the unaffiliated population. Nevertheless, the overall retention rate of the unaffiliated population is relatively low (46%) compared with other groups. This means that more than half (54%) of those who were not affiliated with any particular religion as a child now identify themselves as members of one religion or another.
Two of the religious groups with the lowest retention rates are Jehovah’s Witnesses and Buddhists. Only slightly more than a third (37%) of adults who were raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses still identify themselves as Jehovah’s Witnesses. Half of all of those who were raised as Buddhists (50%) are still Buddhists.
Of the Jewish population:
76% were born Jewish and remain Jewish
9% converted to another religion
14% converted to no religion
pp. 30
(Compare with Protestant)
Overall, then, 80% of those who were raised as Protestant are still Protestant,
either within the same denominational family in which they were raised (52%) or within another Protestant family (28%). So only one-in-five (20%) adults who were raised as Protestant have left Protestantism altogether (7% for a non-Protestant religion and 13% for no religion at all).
Who Changes Affiliation?
Though the rates of change in affiliation among the different age groups are fairly comparable, there are interesting generational differences in the types of affiliation changes people undergo.
Among people age 70 and older, for instance, more than half of people who have changed affiliation have switched affiliation from one family to another within a religious tradition (e.g., from one Protestant denominational family to another). Among those under age 30, by contrast, roughly three-quarters of those who have changed affiliation left one religious tradition for another (e.g., left Protestantism for Catholicism) or for no religion at all.
With respect to other demographic characteristics, the Landscape Survey reveals few major demographic differences in the rates of religious change.
Gender
For instance, men are only slightly more likely to switch affiliation than women (45% vs. 42%).
Education
Similarly, there are few differences among adults with different educational backgrounds. Americans with a high school education or less are only somewhat less likely to have switched affiliation from the religion in which they were raised (41%) than people with at least some college education, college graduates and people with a post-graduate education (46%, 45% and 47%, respectively).
Religiously Mixed Marriages and Changes in Affiliation
The Landscape Survey finds that 27% of married people are in religiously mixed marriages. If marriages between people of different Protestant denominational families are included, the number of married people in religiously mixed marriages is nearly four-in-ten (37%). Among married couples, young people are more likely to be in religiously mixed marriages as compared with their older counterparts.
Among all the major religious traditions, Hindus and Mormons are most likely to have a spouse with the same religion (90% and 83%, respectively). Nearly four-in-five Catholics (78%) and seven-in-ten Jews (69%) are also married to someone with the same religious affiliation. By contrast, majorities of the unaffiliated population, members of the “other faiths” category and Buddhists are married to someone of a different religious background than their own. For example, only four-in-ten (41%) unaffiliated adults are married to a spouse who is also unaffiliated.
For Jews, Spouse is:
same religion 69%
Different religion 31%
Protestant 7%
Catholic 12%
all other religions 3%
No religious affiliation 8%
The Landscape Survey findings also make it possible to gauge, at least indirectly, the importance of marriage in changes in religious affiliation.
To the extent that people change their religious affiliation to match that of their spouse, one would expect to find lower rates of religiously mixed marriages among people who have changed affiliation than among those who have not switched. In fact, the survey finds just the opposite to be true: The incidence of religiously mixed marriages is much higher among people who have switched affiliation (50%) than among married people who have retained the religious affiliation of their youth (28%).
Intermarriage and Change in Affiliation
Spouse has...
Same religion Different religion
Among…
All married people 63% 37%
Married, has not changed religion 72% 28%
Married, has changed religion 50% 50%
Religious Composition of Age Groups
Jewish 2% of total population
18 - 29 2% of age group
30 - 39 2%
40 - 49 1%
50 - 59 1%
60 - 69 1%
70+ 2%
Age Distribution of Religious Traditions
Jews, too, tend to be older than other religious groups, with 51% age 50 and older.
Jewish population
age 18 - 29 20%
age 30 - 49 29%
age 50 - 65 29%
age 65+ 22%
Religious Affiliation of Racial and Ethnic Groups
Jewish - total percent of population is 2%
of white population 2%
Of Black population <0.5%
Of Asian population <0.5%
Other (mixed race) 1%
Latino <0.5%
Of all the major racial and ethnic groups in the U.S., blacks are the most likely to report a formal religious affiliation.
Asians are the ethnic group most likely to be unaffiliated.
In the Landscape Survey, a solid majority of Hispanics (58%) identify as Catholic, but nearly one-in-four are members of evangelical (16%) or other (8%) Protestant churches. Hispanics are about as likely as blacks to say they have no religious affiliation, and very few (2%) say they are atheist or agnostic.
Nearly a third (30%) of all whites are members of evangelical churches, almost twice the number who identify as unaffiliated (16%). About one-in-five (22%) whites are Catholic and a similar number (23%) are members of mainline Protestant churches.
Racial and Ethnic Distribution of Religious Traditions: Jewish
White 95%
Black 1%
Asian 0%
mixed 2%
Latino 3%
(I am going to email Diane and Gary Tobin about these numbers. They don't feel - or look - like the bay area community to me.)
Gender:
Jews, Muslims and Buddhists are composed of slightly more men than women.
Educational Levels of Religious Groups
Education level: less than HS High Sch some college college grad postgrad
Total Population: 14 36 23 16 11
Jewish 3 19 19 24 35
(If you stay in college longer, you probably delay having kids...)
Number of Children at Home for Religious Traditions: Jewish
0 children under 18 in home 72%
One child under 18 in home 9%
Two Children under 18 living 11%
Three plus 8%
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Grandparenting Programs
Below is an article just written by Sue Fishkoff on JTA 1/8/08. Again, it is interesting to see the community "discovering" a program and an audience that we all have been working on and with for years.
I recall speaking with Jeanette Bergelson in 1998 about the groups she was running. Later I spoke with Lynne Wolfe about her programs. I did some interviewing with other professionals and grandparents as I prepared my own grandparenting workshops.
In spring 2001 I offered Mingled Roots: Meeting the Challenge of Grandparenting in the Interfaith Family in Oakland, CA.
Since then I've done several grandparent workshops in Contra Costa. For one of them I used the film Shifting Traditions. I set it up as a sort of who done it? format. I told them before showing the film that I had been present at the premier -- it was the Senior Thesis of a Stanford film student in the Masters program there. I sat next to one of the couples featured in the film. At one point during the showing the entire non-Jewish audience gasped at what this couple said and the couple jumped. That was the "gun shot." I challenged my grandparents to identify the moment the trigger was pulled and who pulled it.
Intermarriage: Helping grandparents
Sue Fishkoff
A new program is being unveiled in Los Angeles and Atlanta to help grandparents present their Jewish heritage to their grandchildren in intermarried households.
Published: 01/08/2008
SAN FRANCISCO (JTA) -- Bettina Kurowski is the chair of the 2008 fund-raising campaign of the Jewish Federation of Los Angeles and active in her Conservative synagogue.
She’s also a grandmother of three young grandchildren. They give her great "naches," or joy, she says, but she’s also worried -- the children’s father is not Jewish, the kids are being raised in an interfaith home and Kurowski, for all her Jewish involvement, is not sure what role she should play in passing on the Jewish heritage that is so dear to her.
“My husband and I are the keepers of the Jewish tradition, the culture and values of Judaism -- what it really means to be a Jew,” Kurowski says. “I took it upon myself to study how to be the best grandparent I could be while acknowledging the non-Jewish side of their family.
"I didn’t want to give the children the sense that there’s something wrong with people who are not Jewish, but I still want to give them a sense of pride in being Jewish. It’s a fine line.”
Looking around, Kurowski found few resources for grandparents like herself. She says she’s the only one in her circle of friends whose children intermarried, and she felt the need to share her concerns with others in her situation.
This week, she’ll get that chance when the Grandparents Circle holds its first meeting at Valley Beth Shalom, Kurowski’s congregation in Encino, Calif.
The Grandparents Circle, which is launching pilot courses Jan. 8 in Los Angeles and Jan. 29 in Atlanta, is a new program created by the Jewish Outreach Institute to help grandparents present their Jewish heritage to their grandchildren in intermarried households.
Grandparents meet in groups of 20 to 25 for five weeks of guided discussion, share their concerns and learn specific skills for passing on Jewish history and tradition without forcing it on the children.
“They want to pass on their Jewish identity and background, they want to share their history and who they are with their grandchildren, but it has to be done in a way that’s interesting to the grandchildren," says Liz Marcovitz, a program officer at the institute. "You can’t just start talking about Judaism with no context.”
The course is inspired by “Twenty Things for Grandparents of Interfaith Grandchildren to Do,” a 2007 JOI publication.
When Kurowski read the book last year, she and her husband donated the funds to build a curriculum around it. Her federation has earmarked funds to run the pilot course, and Kurowski says it hopes to expand the course to other synagogues in the Los Angeles area.
Marcovitz says the Jewish communities of Chicago and Hartford, Conn., among others, are interested.
Eventually the JOI plans to set up a national listserve for all such grandparents, whether they have taken the course or not.
Suzette Cohen is organizing the program in Atlanta. She notes that the city’s Jewish community, which has a 60 percent intermarriage rate, is in its sixth year of running The Mothers Circle, a JOI support group for non-Jewish women raising Jewish children. Many of the Jewish parents of those intermarried couples have asked for a similar program for them.
“They often dance around the issue, afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing” and offending their child or the non-Jewish spouse, Cohen says.
The first Atlanta circle is already oversubscribed; a second group is filling quickly.
The gist of the book and the course is to teach by example: Invite the grandchildren to Passover seders in your home, show them photos of your family, light Shabbat candles and tell them why it’s important to you.
Build “layers of Jewish memories,” the book suggests, that will remain with the children as they grow to adulthood.
Grandparents are an often overlooked influence on the lives of their grandchildren, says JOI’s associate director, Paul Golin. The institute's extensive research on the adult children of intermarried couples found that one of the major influences on the religious identities of these young adults was their grandparents.
But it’s not a straight shot.
“It’s not about parenting, it’s about influence,” Golin says. “It happens holistically. If the grandparents are just who they are and have contact with the grandkids, they’ll have that influence.
“That’s why we say, just be the best Jew you can be. You don’t want to come across as a Hebrew school teacher.”
The Grandparents Circle is designed for Jewish grandparents whose intermarried children are open to it. If the grandchildren are being raised exclusively Christian, Golin notes, it is a much more delicate matter.
That's the situation facing Rose Sowadsky, an Atlanta-area grandmother whose two grandchildren are being raised Methodist.
The children "are aware" she is Jewish -- they were at her home Christmas Eve and saw she had no tree -- but they have never asked her about it.
"They must have been well prompted at home," she supposes.
Sowadsky does not expect to have any influence on her grandchildren's religious upbringing, but she signed up for the Grandparents Circle for moral support.
"I want to see how others cope with it," she says.
Many participants come to the group as couples, and many others are single women, usually widowed, like Sowadsky, or divorced.
Dr. Bob Licht, a semi-retired Los Angeles dentist, is the lone single man in the Los Angeles group. When his wife of 62 years passed away last summer, he felt he needed help passing on his Jewish heritage to his 4-year-old great-grandson.
The boy’s father, Licht’s grandson, is Jewish, but the boy’s mother is not. Licht says his children and grandchildren, including the boy’s father, received an appreciation and understanding of Judaism from him and his late wife.
Now that she is gone, Licht feels somewhat adrift. The boy had a brit milah, but Licht wants to make sure he continues on a Jewish path.
“I wish my wife were here to help me with it,” he says. “She was better prepared. Now I’ve got to figure it out. I want to learn as much as I can, and that’s why I went to the first meeting. I want to do the right thing.”
I recall speaking with Jeanette Bergelson in 1998 about the groups she was running. Later I spoke with Lynne Wolfe about her programs. I did some interviewing with other professionals and grandparents as I prepared my own grandparenting workshops.
In spring 2001 I offered Mingled Roots: Meeting the Challenge of Grandparenting in the Interfaith Family in Oakland, CA.
Since then I've done several grandparent workshops in Contra Costa. For one of them I used the film Shifting Traditions. I set it up as a sort of who done it? format. I told them before showing the film that I had been present at the premier -- it was the Senior Thesis of a Stanford film student in the Masters program there. I sat next to one of the couples featured in the film. At one point during the showing the entire non-Jewish audience gasped at what this couple said and the couple jumped. That was the "gun shot." I challenged my grandparents to identify the moment the trigger was pulled and who pulled it.
Intermarriage: Helping grandparents
Sue Fishkoff
A new program is being unveiled in Los Angeles and Atlanta to help grandparents present their Jewish heritage to their grandchildren in intermarried households.
Published: 01/08/2008
SAN FRANCISCO (JTA) -- Bettina Kurowski is the chair of the 2008 fund-raising campaign of the Jewish Federation of Los Angeles and active in her Conservative synagogue.
She’s also a grandmother of three young grandchildren. They give her great "naches," or joy, she says, but she’s also worried -- the children’s father is not Jewish, the kids are being raised in an interfaith home and Kurowski, for all her Jewish involvement, is not sure what role she should play in passing on the Jewish heritage that is so dear to her.
“My husband and I are the keepers of the Jewish tradition, the culture and values of Judaism -- what it really means to be a Jew,” Kurowski says. “I took it upon myself to study how to be the best grandparent I could be while acknowledging the non-Jewish side of their family.
"I didn’t want to give the children the sense that there’s something wrong with people who are not Jewish, but I still want to give them a sense of pride in being Jewish. It’s a fine line.”
Looking around, Kurowski found few resources for grandparents like herself. She says she’s the only one in her circle of friends whose children intermarried, and she felt the need to share her concerns with others in her situation.
This week, she’ll get that chance when the Grandparents Circle holds its first meeting at Valley Beth Shalom, Kurowski’s congregation in Encino, Calif.
The Grandparents Circle, which is launching pilot courses Jan. 8 in Los Angeles and Jan. 29 in Atlanta, is a new program created by the Jewish Outreach Institute to help grandparents present their Jewish heritage to their grandchildren in intermarried households.
Grandparents meet in groups of 20 to 25 for five weeks of guided discussion, share their concerns and learn specific skills for passing on Jewish history and tradition without forcing it on the children.
“They want to pass on their Jewish identity and background, they want to share their history and who they are with their grandchildren, but it has to be done in a way that’s interesting to the grandchildren," says Liz Marcovitz, a program officer at the institute. "You can’t just start talking about Judaism with no context.”
The course is inspired by “Twenty Things for Grandparents of Interfaith Grandchildren to Do,” a 2007 JOI publication.
When Kurowski read the book last year, she and her husband donated the funds to build a curriculum around it. Her federation has earmarked funds to run the pilot course, and Kurowski says it hopes to expand the course to other synagogues in the Los Angeles area.
Marcovitz says the Jewish communities of Chicago and Hartford, Conn., among others, are interested.
Eventually the JOI plans to set up a national listserve for all such grandparents, whether they have taken the course or not.
Suzette Cohen is organizing the program in Atlanta. She notes that the city’s Jewish community, which has a 60 percent intermarriage rate, is in its sixth year of running The Mothers Circle, a JOI support group for non-Jewish women raising Jewish children. Many of the Jewish parents of those intermarried couples have asked for a similar program for them.
“They often dance around the issue, afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing” and offending their child or the non-Jewish spouse, Cohen says.
The first Atlanta circle is already oversubscribed; a second group is filling quickly.
The gist of the book and the course is to teach by example: Invite the grandchildren to Passover seders in your home, show them photos of your family, light Shabbat candles and tell them why it’s important to you.
Build “layers of Jewish memories,” the book suggests, that will remain with the children as they grow to adulthood.
Grandparents are an often overlooked influence on the lives of their grandchildren, says JOI’s associate director, Paul Golin. The institute's extensive research on the adult children of intermarried couples found that one of the major influences on the religious identities of these young adults was their grandparents.
But it’s not a straight shot.
“It’s not about parenting, it’s about influence,” Golin says. “It happens holistically. If the grandparents are just who they are and have contact with the grandkids, they’ll have that influence.
“That’s why we say, just be the best Jew you can be. You don’t want to come across as a Hebrew school teacher.”
The Grandparents Circle is designed for Jewish grandparents whose intermarried children are open to it. If the grandchildren are being raised exclusively Christian, Golin notes, it is a much more delicate matter.
That's the situation facing Rose Sowadsky, an Atlanta-area grandmother whose two grandchildren are being raised Methodist.
The children "are aware" she is Jewish -- they were at her home Christmas Eve and saw she had no tree -- but they have never asked her about it.
"They must have been well prompted at home," she supposes.
Sowadsky does not expect to have any influence on her grandchildren's religious upbringing, but she signed up for the Grandparents Circle for moral support.
"I want to see how others cope with it," she says.
Many participants come to the group as couples, and many others are single women, usually widowed, like Sowadsky, or divorced.
Dr. Bob Licht, a semi-retired Los Angeles dentist, is the lone single man in the Los Angeles group. When his wife of 62 years passed away last summer, he felt he needed help passing on his Jewish heritage to his 4-year-old great-grandson.
The boy’s father, Licht’s grandson, is Jewish, but the boy’s mother is not. Licht says his children and grandchildren, including the boy’s father, received an appreciation and understanding of Judaism from him and his late wife.
Now that she is gone, Licht feels somewhat adrift. The boy had a brit milah, but Licht wants to make sure he continues on a Jewish path.
“I wish my wife were here to help me with it,” he says. “She was better prepared. Now I’ve got to figure it out. I want to learn as much as I can, and that’s why I went to the first meeting. I want to do the right thing.”
Friday, January 4, 2008
Jewish Generations
I am sending you a link to an article that focuses on Federation philanthropy, but philanthropy is not what I'm interested in. What I find very interesting is the discussion of the various age groups and their concept of "Jewish engagement." This is something we are all interested in.
Note in the article that the author speaks about four age groups -
The Traditionalists (born between 1925 and 1945)
Baby Boomers (born between 1945 and 1964)
Gen X (born between 1965 and 1980)
Gen Y (born between 1981 and 1999)
Now the type of engagement that the author was looking at is philanthropic. But the answers sometimes went outside the lines.
Engagement meant --
To The Traditionalist: Creating an agency for young adults.
To the Baby Boomer -- creating outreach activities for 20-somethings
To Gen X -- having a seat at the allocations table
To Gen Y -- having a meaningful experience of Jewish life having nothing to do with allocating dollars or attending social events.
Sounds like there's a party being planned for people who may not attend.
For the entire article go to:
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/20071105sharnaoped.html
Note in the article that the author speaks about four age groups -
The Traditionalists (born between 1925 and 1945)
Baby Boomers (born between 1945 and 1964)
Gen X (born between 1965 and 1980)
Gen Y (born between 1981 and 1999)
Now the type of engagement that the author was looking at is philanthropic. But the answers sometimes went outside the lines.
Engagement meant --
To The Traditionalist: Creating an agency for young adults.
To the Baby Boomer -- creating outreach activities for 20-somethings
To Gen X -- having a seat at the allocations table
To Gen Y -- having a meaningful experience of Jewish life having nothing to do with allocating dollars or attending social events.
Sounds like there's a party being planned for people who may not attend.
For the entire article go to:
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/20071105sharnaoped.html
Jewish Philanthropy
Jews NOT giving to Jewish causes (10/22/07)
Here's an interesting article. I'd love to hear your opinions.
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/20071021tobinoped.html
I feel that scolding never works. Yet I am worried that there are so many needs in the Jewish community that non-Jews simply would have no reason to give to.
Here's an interesting article. I'd love to hear your opinions.
http://www.jta.org/cgi-bin/iowa/news/article/20071021tobinoped.html
I feel that scolding never works. Yet I am worried that there are so many needs in the Jewish community that non-Jews simply would have no reason to give to.
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